Fluid Pudding

Interview with Angela/Fluid Pudding

Angela, better known as Fluid Pudding, has a writing voice like a good wine – it’s mellow and warm with a hint of snark and a finish of wit that cuts straight to your heart. She and I have a few things in common (18,41,50,52,61,62,65,71,72,78,90,99,100). She has a deep appreciation for scrambled eggs. She knits! She plays the French Horn! She comes in the complete Fluid Pudding Family set with husband, two daughters, two cats and requires very little assembly. She has a degree in psychology which she could pull out at any moment if she wanted to, so watch it.

Blog Birthday:

September 19, 2001

Why do you blog?

I used to spend hours sitting in coffee dumps and writing wordy hollow letters to friends. Maintaining Fluid Pudding has enabled me to continue writing drivel, but now I don’t have to put on tights or buy stamps.

What do you talk about?

My quirky kids, my princely husband, my mystifying life, and girls who wear dirty underpants.

What don’t you talk about? Why?

I don’t talk politics, and I don’t tell family secrets. Fluid Pudding is meant to be uncongealed. I don’t want to piss anyone off.

Worst/best experience regarding something you wrote in your blog or put out on the net?

Worst: I once wrote about the bad service I received at a restaurant. As a result, Those Who Take All Things Seriously posted my (mostly exaggerated) story onto both a childfree message board and a service employee message board. I spent the next few days receiving comments like “Die, Fucking Fat Cow Breeder!” Ironically, I’m now considering starting up a line of maternity wear called “Fucking Fat Cow Breeder.” Details to follow, Sistahs!

Best: After mentioning that I had been blasting Frank Bango albums into my uterus via headphones, Frank Bango actually sent an e-mail and a copy of his latest CD to “Pudding Pop.” I’m always amazed by the kindness that flows in my direction as a result of Fluid Pudding.

Favorite/worst thing about living where you live?

Our house is less than five minutes away from Jeff’s work, meaning he is able to come home nearly every day for lunch. That is definitely the best thing. Unfortunately, we’re also less than five minutes away from a saloon that sometimes features spaghetti wrestling. The temptation is almost too much to handle.

If you were president of the US:

I would start each day by listening to Kurtis Blow‘s “If I Ruled the World.”

What actor would play you in the movie of your life?

Either Parker Posey or Zach Braff.

Favorite color:


How did you manage to have your appendix removed while pregnant?

That was a tough one. I didn’t want to be anesthetized, because the anesthesiologist spooked me with all of his “risky for the baby” speeches.

Me: Okay. Let’s do it without anesthesia.
Surgeon: Uh, yeah. No.
Me: Seriously. Stick a towel in my mouth and do the old slice and suck as fast as you can. Let’s pretend we’re in Civil War times! C’mon, Soldier!
Surgeon: (Crickets chirping)
Luckily, the surgery was quick and easy, and the baby was monitored throughout.

So, there was no pain killer?

They tried to use a local anesthetic, but it didn’t numb me, so they had to put me out. (Part of me wonders if they really put me out because I kept raising my head to see if I could watch the surgery. I think that freaked them out a bit.)

Favorite food:
Burritos with pinto beans!

Yea! A Ben Folds fan! < -- not really a question.
His first name is engraved on the inside of my wedding ring…

When you were 10, what did you want to do when you grew up?

I wanted to be the prettiest record reviewer for Rolling Stone magazine.

What do you hate?

Anything having to do with Carol Channing and/or carob. People who don’t appreciate individual differences. Raisins.

What do you love?

Hazelnut cappuccinos, audio books read by the author, Dorothy Parker poems, and listening to My Bloody Valentine while driving to Sonic for a Diet Cherry Limeade.

What do you want to tell other bloggers, if anything?

It’s hard out here for a pimp.

Astounding facts about you:

1. I can slice a banana without touching it. I mean, I touch the peel, but not the edible part. It’s magical and sexy all at the same time!
2. I once won a contest because I was able to identify every piece of music included on the Hooked on Classics medley.
3. I never face the water while taking a shower. Never. If the water suddenly turns to blood, I don’t want to get it in my eyes.

Are you Windows or Mac? Why?

Windows, but I’m not terribly loyal. I used a Mac while living in Nashville, and I loved it.

How would your husband describe you? How about your daughters?

Me: Jeff, how would you describe me?
Jeff: Intelligent, sardonic, biting.
Me: Crazy Sexy Cool?
Jeff: (Again with the crickets)
Me: Meredith, what do you think about me?
Meredith: Mommy, I hate fishes. I want to blow those candles out.
Me: Harper?
Harper: Right now I mainly see you as the two mammary glands that feed me, but I’m sure I’ll eventually see you as both an authority figure and a friend. Are we done yet? Feed me.

What are you working on right now?

I’ve been knitting my first sock and devising a plan on improving my level of marketability.

What will you be doing next year?

Eating burritos and dancing, I suppose.

Why are you afraid of popcorn?

If I eat it after dinner, I have nightmares. Serious nightmares. Driving off the edge of a cliff and drowning in my car nightmares.

You play the French Horn? You play the French Horn!

I do! At least, I did!

#57 on your list of things about you makes me feel slightly ill. However, I am compelled to ask why.

Whenever I eat scrambled eggs, I find myself thinking, “So light! So fluffy! So warm!” This naturally flows into “Fluffy and warm! Just like a pillow and a blanket! If they weren’t so messy, I would cover my bed in warm scrambled eggs! Wait! The bathtub! I could nap in a bathtub filled with warm scrambled eggs!” The only reason I haven’t actually tried it is because I have no way of keeping the tubbed eggs warm while I continue to cook more eggs. I fear it would take a lot of eggs to fill a bathtub. Hundreds! Maybe thousands, depending on desired depth!

Tell me a secret?

I absolutely hate looking into mirrors.

Bonus secret: I can’t pee into a cup without getting urine all over myself.

What do you wish I had asked you that I didn’t?

May I send you a Starbucks gift card?

Thanks, Angela!

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