FAQs

Who do you work with?
I specialize in working with queer, non-binary, and trans folks, often on a journey to release trauma build-up, often chronically ill, or experiencing concurrent health issues, in bodies with many levels of abilities. I’m honored to hold space for my long-term clients who are sometimes on a gender journey, or veterans of many types of therapies who are looking for a healing modality that brings everything they’ve learned together.

What kind of work do you do?
I offer virtual mentoring around the world, community workshops and virtual blended mentoring+D/s work in the Western Hemisphere, in-person intimate workshops (about rituals, self-care, intimacy, and self-kink), in-person kink, and D/s contracts in the Pacific North West. I also mentor new Dom/mes and help them understand what draws them to this work and how to do it well. If you’re looking for more on my background, you can find it here.

Kink is inherently somatic in nature. If we decide to play in a power dynamic, I harness the healing ability of kink by combining it with my understanding of how we store trauma in the body, connecting the mind, and tapping into energy flow. I use my skills as an energy practitioner (reiki, cranio sacral, energy medicine), certified Holistic Health Coach, and mental health advocate to create a unique, individual, healing kink experience.

Most of my long-term clients are interested in learning how to be happier, find more meaning in their lives, and feel more connected to themselves and with community. I help them increase their self-care, maybe teach them self-kink, and help them master self-control, possibly through a D/s container. I help students finish grad school or study for the bar. I help teach basic skills to those who never learned them or learned them poorly. I help business owners find time when there is none. I help parents find their footing through a rough patch with their kid. And I help everyone release shame and connect to themselves more deeply and with more care, which creates the opportunity for deeper and more meaningful connections with others.

I’m ready! Where do I sign up?
Wonderful! Go here and use this sorting technique to help me understand what you’re asking me to do for you. I want us to be on the same page.

What is a D/s Contract with you?
A D/s contract is an immersion agreement (renewed every three months) between me and a client who wants a stronger bond with me, includes weekly mentoring sessions, pet names, and daily connections. The contract spells out exactly what my daily expectations are for my client along with punishments/funishments if they are not met. There is daily app support for tasks along with rewards from me that are earned from hard work. I see this setup work best when a client is deeply invested in turning a corner through vigilant self-care (changing how they eat) or trying to learn new skills (project manager testing) or finishing a project (writing a final book draft).

There are a limited amount of contracts available at a time because of the high-touch nature of the relationship. Contract D/s clients get discounted in-person kink as well as other perks.

Can I get a discount? Do you have a sliding scale?
I do have a sliding scale for virtual mentoring and you’re welcome to contact me to discuss, especially BIPOC folks. I’ll ask you to write me an essay. I also have two rotating scholarship slots at an extreme discount. They last for 3 months and there is a waiting list.

I don’t offer discounts for virtual D/s relationships or in-person D/s relationships The only kink discounts given are to clients under contract, specifically for in-person kink sessions. If private and/or in-person time is not in your budget, consider requesting a self-kink workshop with some of your friends and share the cost or signing up for a community workshop.

Covid-19 Protocols
I am vaxxed and boosted. You must also be vaxxed to do in-person work with me. Please be prepared to show me your vax card. I’m happy to stay masked for our session at your request.

Do you offer sexual services?
I do not offer sexual services. I will not be touching your genitals at any time nor will you be touching mine. That does not preclude you from touching your own body in sexual ways and/or orgasming. I will be touching your body in many sensual ways with my hands and other objects and it’s ok and beautiful if those touches feel sexual to you. Intimacy with yourself is a powerful thing to learn and harness (and is the precursor to having the deeply intimate connections with other you might be lacking), and I’m honored to teach you how to feel pleasure as part of a scene we write together. If you’re looking for sexual/kink services specifically where you receive sexual touch on your genitals by someone other than yourself, I know beautifully skilled practitioners who I can refer you to. If you come as a couple/group, I’m honored to instruct you in new ways to touch each other sexually and create a pleasure-focused scene.

Can I date you?
I don’t date clients in my personal life. You can hire me as an escort and I will accompany you to an event. Often overnights and weekend scenes include an event like a dinner or show as part of paid time and in those situations I’m happy to be called your date to keep D/s dynamics private. I’m known for being extremely discreet. As much as I like you and thoroughly enjoy spending time with you, please understand I’m at work when I’m with you. This can sometimes feel tricky with longterm arrangements and when you hire me for a VIP time slot, I’m happy to talk about what I’ve learned over the years while navigating heart and business together.

What if I’m attracted to you?
Attraction to me isn’t required or discouraged. It can help our work together when attraction exists between us. The Top position I hold for us is nonnegotiable, which means you can rest in the knowledge that I’ll be holding a strong space for your attraction to reside in, and you won’t have to worry that it will be taken further by me. Our time together will be about you and your needs, in an experience carefully crafted by me. The chemicals in your brain that arrange who you’re attracted to, and why and when, all try to help meet your connection needs. Arousal is a fantastic space to learn new things about yourself because it lowers some inhibitions and creates a verdant, fuzzy place for healthier ideas to take root.

What if this is my first time kinking? I feel shy/embarrassed/afraid.
Oh, hey, bb. Everyone who is deeply in love with kinking once had a first time. I’d be honored to be the one to show you the ropes (see what I did there?). Besides being very good at what I do, I’m approachable, safe, fun, and I promise I’ll only bite you if you want me to. First-time kinkers are super welcome.

Can you show me how to do kink on myself?
I absolutely can. I do that in one-on-one sessions and I also teach workshops on self-kink because I think it’s one of the most valuable healing modalities I’ve ever learned for myself. There are limitations to what can be done according to your abilities and what is physically possible and safe, but there’s lots of good stuff I can show you either privately or in a small group so you can use it as a part of your regular self-care.

Where can I learn more about what mentoring with you is like?
I made some short videos a couple of years ago that show me talking and some of what I work on with clients. (They were made pre-T, so expect my voice to be different.) You can view the series here.

How do you feel about humiliation in kink?
It’s a common belief that it doesn’t matter what you do in a scene because it’s only kink. While kink scenes are contained and used in ways for all kinds of behaviors we wouldn’t choose to do in the everyday world, there is no such thing as “only kink” because of the ways our minds and bodies are connected. My focus is on who you are as a whole and I won’t intentionally retraumatize you, even though it can “feel good,” which is what most humiliation play does. Our brain lets down chemicals in humiliation that are tied to experiences that in the past have registered inside us as extraordinarily large and have impacted us negatively. Traditional humiliation play brings those feelings to the surface and “forces” our brains to have a big reaction, which can feel good in the body for a short time before adding one more layer to where we store shame and guilt. I will not knowingly participate in that process.

I do use what I call soft/targeted/focused humiliation as part of a blended mentoring+kink plan *only* after I’ve had weekly mentoring sessions with a client for minimum three monthsin the following ways:

Pet play– forced eating, drinking, playing, resting times
Gender play– loving/light teasing to help expose hidden feelings around gender/sex/body and give those feelings a safe space to surface
Littles/parts play– playtime or messy art projects like finger painting where the child in you gets a chance to delight me
Restrictions– limiting where someone can look, what they can say, or when/how they can say it taps into some types of trauma
Learned postures– perfecting submission postures as a way to earn praise
Begging– getting comfortable with desires and asking for needs requires vulnerability and strength
Furniture– being useful as an object is sometimes a good place to start
Ignoring– removing attention to experience abandonment and heal trauma

Payments and Cancellations
You will be required to reserve your sessions in advance. If you are a no-show, I will wait 15 minutes for you before closing the session. I understand that emergencies happen and if I can fit you in during the same week, I’ll do so. If it happens twice in a row, bb, we will have a hard conversation.

Do you FinDom?
I do findomming for clients under D/s contract with me (as part of a blended mentoring+kink plan, available after 3 months of weekly mentoring sessions) and after a careful review of finances during which an entertainment budget is set that I have access to. I’ve seen findomming be the most helpful when a client is trying to learn new habits and hasn’t yet been able to let go of some old ones, kind of like the principle of a swear jar. There are lots of ways I see general findomming culture do harm and I won’t knowingly participate in that.

What can I buy you to show you my gratitude?
The best way is to contact me to find out what I need. Unlike some people, I don’t enjoy surprises showing up in the mail. They go directly in the trash. So if you really want to give me something I’ll appreciate, ask me.

What do you smell like?
You gotta book me to find out, bb.