Category: in the car

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and the Home of the

While driving the kids to their ‘Other Home’ on Monday night, we followed our tradition of singing the Star Spangled Banner.

Why do we sing that song? I’m not sure. Especially since there are so many other nauseatingly over-sung songs to pick from. Like Cum ba ya. It might be because we know most of the words. And since there are so many of us squished in the car, usually, one of us knows the parts someone else doesn’t know so that you can almost hear the entire song in continuity. Except for the last word. ‘Brave.’ We never sing ‘Brave.’

To someone listening in, like the guy next to us at the stop light who can’t stop staring at an entire carload of people singing The Star Spangled Banner at the top of their lungs with the windows rolled down because it’s too hot and the AC is broken, it might appear that we are half wits. Or, he could have just really hoped we would be shutting up soon so at the next light he wouldn’t have to hear us sing anymore. But in any case, we have fun, ok? And one time, over a year ago, when the drives were much, much longer and the time in between seeing each other was more like eons than days, one of the kids decided that if we sang slower and slower with each word, the song could last a long, looooooooooong time. And then that same child discovered that if we really wanted the song to last forever, or at least until we saw each other next time, all we had to do is never sing the last word. Brave. So we didn’t. And we don’t, still. Because if someone forgets and sings it, they get punched in the arm and we have to start all over again. And no one really wants to sing the whole song over again, because, hey! we don’t really like the song that much, so Alexandra will sing it alone, super fast and super high, sort of represeh’in all of us, and once all the windows are shattered and our eardrums are bleeding from the high decibels, we have arrived and it’s time to say goodbye. And the song is left hanging in the air until next time. Only we can no longer hear, so it’s irrelevant. But so very

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Open Letter to the Man in the Giant, Black SUV on North/West 101 Yesterday Afternoon

Dear Mr.,

Normally, I am not one to get agro on the road. I believe that live and let live is a great policy to employ while driving here in southern California where people routinely shoot each other for nothing more than 4 feet of asphalt. You can see why, then, I was the first person surprised when I found my temper flare at the silver jeep-ish vehicle to my right. When she started inching forward as we waited in the queue for the little light that tells us we are allowed to go, two-by-two, onto the great freeway of torture (moooooo), it was obvious to me that she wasn’t going to play nice and wait her turn as surely her mother taught her to. I’m positive her parents showed her that we merge together, each lane taking a spot in between the cars from the other lane, first that lane, then my lane, then that lane, and so on, and for her to blatantly disregard these rules of decorum and try to get in front of me, which would clearly be a violation since your car and hers would end up being next to each other instead of yours and mine and THEN hers, as nature intended it, which just unacceptable.

Her shiny silver vehicle revved and inched. My dirty, non-descript colored car tried to rev, died, restarted and inched forward. Our noses met, inch for inch as we got closer to the head of the queue. And my temper flared to the point of me hitting my horn for one brief ‘bleeet’ which was sad sounding even to my own ears. But that is not the point! I was totally in the right. Right?

And then, right when I thought to myself that maybe violence wasn’t the answer, make peace – not war, and who really cares anyway? I’ll get home eventually. Who cares that I have no air conditioning and it’s a freakin’ 100 degrees out here and my windows are rolled down and my hair is completely wind blown and I’m subjected to all kinds of loud, pumping music from other vehicles which are playing songs I would never listen to unless I was tied down and being tortured – who cares? – and then, her friend in the front passenger seat leaned back to the backseat and out the unrolled window on my side and yelled ‘EAT ME!’ after which they both laughed hysterically, their gum-smacking, pink, glossy smeared lips yucking it up in my face, which clearly you saw and thought ‘enough is enough’ and for which I will always be grateful, in a sick and demented ‘they deserved it’ kind of way. The dance that ensued was just lovely and the memory of the event will be kept in my Most Favorite Vindictive Moments box.

Thank you for swinging your giant-ass SUV over to block her and allow me to inch parallel with you. Thank you for moving forward even with me so she had no choice but to stay behind us (where she belonged – it was my turn!) and thank you for your deft weaving in and out of lanes which repeatedly kept her behind you and allowed me to pass you both, get in the right lane and exit one mile later onto the 405 North, where much to my delight, she was at least 500 yards behind me and unable to pass you, due to your mad skillz, and then got caught behind two semis which clearly gave no credence to her friend’s ‘eat me’ remark, even though they actually could have. Eaten them, I mean. They were huge.

In the past, Mr., I counted myself among those that would not be so kind to people driving around in giant-ass, gas-guzzling, environment-killing SUV vehicles and tomorrow I might put myself in that category again. (mom – don’t follow that link…) But today, right this second, I love you. And it has nothing to do with looks, as we both know that your 50+ extensively wrinkled face has no effect on me. No, it was your kindness. To me. And your cruelty to her. Wait a minute. That didn’t sound right…..

Anyway, my love for you runs deep, baby.
Thanks a mill,
lpc

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In the Car, Yesterday Afternoon

Scene: Driving to the softball game, running about 5 minutes late. Alexandra, who had a really bad day, is telling me all about it. Devon and Tony, in the back seat, keep interrupting.

Alex: It’s just been a really crappy day, mommy.
Me: Really? Tell me what happened.
Devon: Interjection. My day was not of crap.
Alex: Tahisha (not her real name) totally ditched me, like three times.
Me: That sounds not fun, Al. What else?
Devon: Query. Why do you keep hanging out with her?
Alex: And Mack (not his real name) is totally, like, so mad at me because he told me to call him last night and I didn’t.
Devon: Query. For what reason did your call not take place?
Me: You didn’t feel like calling him?
Alex: No. That’s not it. Yesterday someone opened my backpack during PE and they took out my purse and stole it. My phone was in there. (almost crying now)
Devon: Interjection. That sucks.
Tony: Query. That bites.
Devon: That’s not a Query, that’s an Interjection. Or an Exclamation, but you’d have to say it like this ‘THAT BITES!’
Alex: Everyone is all blaming me saying I shouldn’t lose my stuff, but it wasn’t me! Someone totally stole it!
Me: Man, honey, that sounds like a bad day to me. I’m sorry.
Alex: And, I’m hungry. All week at lunch I’ve had meetings and I will tomorrow, too.
Devon: Affirmation. You are in need of food.
Tony: Affirmation. I am hungry, too.
Devon: That’s not an Affirmation. That’s a Statement.
Me: Well, baby, we could stop and get something right now but you’ll be more late for your game. What do you want to do?
Devon: Request. Please get food.
Tony: Re-Request. I am in need of food as well. Or my systems will fail.
Alex turns around and looks at them.
Devon: Attempt to Retrieve More Information. Will we stop for food?
Alex turns back around and looks at me.
Alex: I don’t want to be late. I’ll just eat after.
Devon: Interjection. That is sad.
Tony: Observation. My systems might fail.
Devon: Good one, Tony. I should have thought of that one.
Me: Ok. We’ll eat after. Did you check the lost and found in the locker room?
Devon: Observation. Your lost article may be found there. You must ask there.
Alex: Yes. (turns to the back seat) Yes! I’ve already asked!
Me: Well, just keep trying. Maybe it will turn up.
Devon: Interjection. It ma-
Alex: Interjection! Shut up!
Tony: That’s more of a command Ali. Especially the way you said it all mad like that.

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Morning Snapshot

Commuting to work
Lone man in the green Sable
Gesturing emphatically
Stressing. Every. Point.
Muted to me
In a different car
But visually stimulating
Although not as good as coffee.

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Driver Safety

The good men and women of the police forces in southern California would really like me to have current registration. Their first hint was ticket #1 found under my left windshield wiper Tuesday after work. The second hint was ticket #2 found the next morning under my right windshield wiper outside where I live. But I think the one that finally hit home was yesterday evening when I was pulled over after waiting at a stop light with a cop behind me. He asked to see my license and registration. Instead I handed him the 2 tickets, told him that the dmv had sent my registration to the wrong address and it was still trying to find me. He looked at the 2 tickets, smiled and told me to take care of it soon. He handed them back to me and I had to ask, ‘Dude! What’s the deal? Did you get some kind of mandate that said to watch out for Leah and make sure she pays out the nose while the dmv plays forwarding tag with her mail?’ He didn’t smile. He said, ‘Well, it’s expired. Have a nice day.’

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Morning Game

My whole goal during the morning commute is to not get stuck behind some car in which a person is smoking their morning cig. I’ve accepted the traffic, just not the second-hand smoke that comes billowing in through the vents in my car.

Some mornings it’s a game. I win. End of story.

Some mornings it’s a trial and tribulation. The world sucks. I hate all people everywhere.

Today: I won.

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Snoooooooooooop

My kids were here for the long weekend. I really like having them in larger chunks of time. You get to cycle through some real feelings that you don’t get to in 24 hours or less.

And it continues to be one of my favorite moments with them when we are driving in the car and everyone is singing at the top of their lungs.

Partial List of Songs Sung:

Black Eyed Peas, Let’s Get it Started (with only small interjections of Retarded)
Tracy Chapman, Give Me One Reason
311, Amber
John Mayer, Daughters
When in Rome, The Promise
Linkin Park, In The End
E-Rotic, Lay Back
Snoop Dog, Drop It Like It’s Hot (snooooooooooooop)

During the two listed last I did my best to not listen to the lyrics and just appreciated that my children are musically inclined. Let’s Get it Started was my favorite. There are so many little melodies going on and with 5 people in the car singing all of them, well, it was rad. It was a far cry from singing Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling when I was little…..

Joe and I took the kids to Corvette Diner and pretended it was Alex’s birthday so they could get the full experience I had when I turned 31. See photo below:

Our waiter, Ringo, was stellar and threw the appropriate amount of Bazooka gum and straws at us.

quick recap for the kids:

Much Fun Weekend! let’s play poker again soon, devon, bring your handkerchief with the smokin’-red flames on it or i’ll make you use my pink one when you’re having a cat allergy attack, glad we worked out the ‘sitting in the front seat’ schedule for ali, ty and tony, (sure will be nice when we get a van….) let’s take turns pretending it’s someone else’s birthday and hit every restaurant in town, love to you, mom.

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My Car

If you know the history of me and my car (23 Oct 2002 The Curse of the Car), you won’t be surprised to learn that last night it was broken into. Back small window, driver’s side, punched in so they could unlock the door. Went through everything in the trunk and jockey-box. They stole about 30 undeveloped one-time use cameras with photos my sister took of her kids for a children’s book I am/was helping her with. They also took the cute change purse Joe’s mom gave me for Christmas. One can only assume they, too, must have a first name beginning with ‘L.’

Broken glass everywhere.

They left the Minneola on the passenger seat along with a Tigers Milk bar. They obviously don’t know good food when they see it.

The best part? My car insurance lapsed a few months back and I haven’t paid the fee to get it started again.

So, there you go.

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The Drive

The commute to work yesterday morning held a beautiful rainbow for about 10 minutes while driving 5 North.

I felt like I was entering a magical land.

The commute home tonight gave me a huge rising moon on my left and the setting sun complete with wild orange and hot pink ribbons slashing the sky on my right.

I felt like I was living in Dune.

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Makin a list

We got so many things done this weekend. Christmas to me has always meant projects and this year has been no exception.

Things I can check off the list:

candles
cards
letters
chocolates
most shopping
most cleaning
most wrapping

Went to see the 3rd installment of Lord of the Rings last Thursday after work with Joe, Matt, Margot and Olive. It was beautifully filmed and very creepy at the right moments. And I had three hours with which to take off my fake nails that have been bothering me.

My car decided to take an electric vacation while we were in the movie. Triple A coaxed it back for just long enough for me to drive Joe and I home before it decided to take off again. It is now sleeping over at Auto Tech awaiting an alternator operation.

I took the coaster in to work this morning after Joe dropped me off at Oh-Six O’clock plus 15 minutes or so. After I got done exclaiming to myself that people are nuts that get up so early, I sat quietly on the coaster and looked outside at the quietness and beauty of early day and remembered that I used to get up at 6 am every morning and drink tea and journal. I did that for years. A part of me has missed it. But a part of me loves to sleep in.

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Tires and Shoes

I was officially extended the job offer to work at GTI. Very, Very cool.
The next few weeks are going to be crazy-busy with doing wrap up photo shoots for the July issue of North and juggling web design work with loans.
It’s a crazy life but it’s all mine.

Today I got the new tire put on my car.
I know, I know….it’s been an entire week or so riding around on the donut…what was I THINKing? etc. etc. That’s just the way it worked out.
I’m still alive and the car is fine…no harm done.
I wore clean underwear every day just in case.
Feel better?

While waiting for my tire to get done, I overheard a phone call between Eric, the guy behind the desk and some unidentified young man who is unavailable to defend himself.
It went something like this:

Eric: ‘Hello and thank you for calling Discount Tires! How can I help you today?’
pause
Eric: ‘What? I’m not sure I understand. Could you please repeat that?’
pause, distractedly trying to help me and failing miserably.
Eric: ‘Um…look. Why don’t you come down here. I can’t really help you over the phone.’
pause, sudden irritation and disbelief.
Eric: ‘Son, are you trying to sell me a TIRE?? I WORK at Discount Tires! I’m not going to take some Michelin tires off your hands! Call the Penny Saver!’
click.

Why did this make me laugh?

1. Eric looked about 25. Is that old enough to call someone else ‘son’?
2. I hate when I’m at a counter and the person working there answers the phone and makes me wait. I’m there IN the store. I was FIRST. Let that person calling get their lazy butt down to the store like I had to!!
3. You have to admire someone willing to try and sell a product to a retail store. I’ve wanted to call Payless Shoes plenty of times and ask them to buy some of the pairs I purchased a few years ago during a crazy-shoe-buying phase. I have no idea where I bought them from at this point but I figure someone going to Payless might not care if they don’t look like the rest of the stock available. Who cares when you’re getting a $50 pair of shoes for $15?

quick recap for the kids:
sometimes you do what you have to do, pray really hard and hope for the best, gearing up for our utah trip, moral of the tire story: don’t buy too many shoes.
grande love to you.
mom

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Auto story #37:

My right front tire finally blew. It couldn’t have happened at a better time. It could have gone over the weekend when my kids were here or it could have gone while I was driving to Simi Valley and taking them home or when I was on my way back last night. I was tired of pumping it up with air twice a day anyway. That game got old after the first 3 weeks. And I’m glad my dad made me learn how to change a tire and other basic car maintenance before I could drive a car. Although, a nice guy named Jose stopped when I was just about done and scolded me for doing ‘man’s work.’ He told me I should have waited for someone like him to do it for me. I let him help me tighten the lug nuts. I think it made him feel a little better. Anyway, thank you Jose. It was nice to know you would have helped me if I didn’t know how to do it.

I had a wonderful weekend with the kids. I can’t wait to take them to Utah in a few weeks. I know my family is excited to see them, too.

Not feeling well today. I think I’m going to take a nap and start the day over again later.

quick recap for the kids:
sadly and thankfully, you missed the excitement of a blown tire and a chance to learn something new. good luck with ‘everything end of the school year’ much love, mom