Thanks to Things I’ve Learned About My Dad, I’ve received a few emails asking where people can buy my book. You can buy a copy on Lulu using this link. And, thanks.
Bullets
~Gainful Employment
Every day I scour the ads looking for work. It’s my job to find a job, if you will. There aren’t many writing/project management openings in my area and it’s getting frustrating. I’m trying diligently not to let it get to my self-esteem, but there is nothing like spending hours saying, ‘Nope. Not me.’ to get your confidence lagging a bit. My ideal job would be something on a flexible schedule but at the moment I’m looking at every type of job there is from part-time to contract. I just want to be able to go to work every day and feel like I’m in the right spot doing the right thing. Where is that job?
~On The Kid Front
I’m worried about Devon. He’s probably being completely age appropriate and doing/being just what he should but I’m really worried about him for reasons that I can’t go into here and sorry to be so cryptic but it’s his story and not mine to tell so I have to keep it vague. Suffice it to say that I spend quite a bit of time worrying about him and hoping he’s making smart decisions while knowing that he’s not. But like I said – maybe it’s all age appropriate At his age I was having my second child so my life was quite a bit different than his is.
Alex seems to be in a good place at the moment. She’s confident and self-assured and getting her shit together. She’s beautiful as ever and sometimes I watch her face and think how incredible it is that she’s my daughter. She’s working on her resume for a class and she actually has quite a bit for a 17 year old to put on there. I enjoy spending time with her and am repeatedly amazed that I continue to be asked to go and do things with her. I’m very lucky.
Tyler is changing. His body is responding differently to food and exercise than he’s used to. It’s interesting to watch him have to pay attention to things he is used to ignoring. He’s still playing basketball in a travel league but really he’s just biding his time until football starts again. That is where his heart is. Ty is a thoughtful young man when no one is looking. When you ARE looking, he’s full of bravado and teasing. He still gives me hugs and for that I’m ever grateful.
Tony is perfectly 13 going on 14. His hair is long and covers most of his face. He peers out from tiny holes in the curls through his glasses and you have to look pretty hard to see him. He’s bordering on Emo status and his clothes style has changed. He’s finally found a style that he likes and it’s fun to see him care about his appearance. He’s got a group of friends he hangs out with and I like seeing him happy. Happy being Emo.
~The House
Besides the flooring in our new place, which is pretty terrible and cheap, I love our new home. The size is nice. The vibe is good. There are roses of every color in the front and a small backyard with lots of green. I love the deep kitchen sink that even the large pans can fit in. It’s always hard to fit your stuff into a new configuration and this time is no different. We still have boxes in some rooms and don’t know where to put the family games and the important papers but we’re getting there. Every day it feels better and better.
~Joe
Joe has been sick and miserable for days now. He’s coughing and snotty and feverish. It’s hard watching the people you love being ill and feeling helpless to do anything for them. We had one moment of short tempers flaring because it’s hard to not run into that when you aren’t feeling your best. In that moment it was interesting to see how far our communication has come from a few years ago. We mostly circumvented any lasting issues and got back on track in a fairly short amount of time. Good for us.
~Me
I’m getting off the Invega and Trazadone and staying on the Wellbutrin and Prozac. Coming off Invega has not been as bad as some others like Effexor. My mind is a little funky but I don’t get the major electrical charges running through it. Just a dull headache from time to time. I’m happy to be on less medication but not sad to be on what I’m staying on anymore. Every morning when I take my pills I think about how my day is going to be so much more productive and well-balanced because of them and it helps alleviate any qualms I have. The truth is that I’m so thankful to have a way to balance out my brain chemicals. Time spent wishing I didn’t have to take meds is time wasted.
Since my thyroid has been regulated I’ve been able to lose weight at a snail’s pace. Which is better than not at all but just barely. Each hard won pound off is cause for celebration. Historically I’ve loved the treadmill but this go around I’ve found the recumbent bike to be more my thing. I’m not as tired as I have been and I must admit that ever since I started taking the name brand Synthroid instead of the generic version I’ve seen an improvement. I still get erratic heart racing but it’s not as scary as it once was.
~Misc
I keep waiting for someone from Tara to call and need me. I hope it happens sooner rather than later. I can’t wait to be a part of it.
I haven’t been taking many photos and I miss it.
I can’t decide if I want to hang pictures in this house or if I like the blank wall space.
The bird doesn’t get out to fly in this house like he did in the old house. We need curtains to cover up the sliding glass doors so he won’t try to fly through and smack into them.
Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy)
Hookah
We’re completely out of the old house. Turned the keys in and everything. I sincerely hope we don’t have to do any moving again for a long, long time.
The new house has a small deck built into the side yard. It’s all by itself and has a view if the neighbors would cut their tree down. I’m sure at one time the view was awesome.
Before we were even moved into the house, Devon claimed the deck. He has a hookah and likes to smoke with his friends a few nights a week. I used to smoke. At some times I smoked a lot. And it took me about 14 tries to really kick it. I still will have the occasional clove cigarette one or two times a year with friends but the day in and day out of smoking is gone and good riddance. It takes so much to be a dedicated smoker.
Anyway, I go back and forth over whether I’m being a good mom or not when it comes to the hookah. It’s fun to go outside and talk to Dev and his friends. I see him more now than I used to and when he moves out on his own in a few months, I’ll see him hardly at all since he’ll undoubtedly move the hookah to the new house. But am i reinforcing a bad habit? Am I telling him that I think smoking is good? I’ve even tried the hookah myself. Am I setting a bad example?
Devon is over 18 so in my mind, it’s his choice whether to smoke or not and I’m glad it’s not cigarettes. I’m glad it’s an occasional thing and legal as opposed to him and his friends drinking beers or something I’d have moral and ethical qualms about. But, I still worry. Knowing what we know about lung cancer it seems wrong to facilitate and/or participate. Except I don’t really feel bad about it. And it sure is nice having him around.
Ripa
“There is nothing on. We could be forced to watch the biography of Kelly Ripa. There are things about her you don’t even know you want to know.”
“There is only one P in Ripa?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s about all I wanted to know.”
United States of Tara
Today marks the first day of production for The United States of Tara. I’m so excited for this series. Not just because it’s about a mother trying to cope with a dissociative disorder and raise her child (which is an awesome premise for a show) but also because they’ve asked me to work with them over at Dreamworks and who wouldn’t be excited about that?
My job is basically to answer questions as they come up for the actors or writers on how to keep the show authentic and real. This I can do. Nothing like having a job where you just get to be yourself. And I even get my name in the credits. That kind of blew me away.
Toni Collette is playing the woman with the dissociative disorder which is all kinds of awesome. I’ve loved her ever since seeing Muriel’s Wedding, still one of my favorite movies. The pilot is being created first, of course, and there is no guarantee that the series will even get made unless the public wants it. But Steven Spielberg and Diablo Cody are behind it so it feels like it’s got the backing it needs to really fly. Only time will tell. Look for the pilot in a few months time coming to Showtime. You can get updates from Diablo Cody’s MySpace and I’ll do what updating I can here as well.
Oh, Leah.
We’re getting ready to move. Again. It seems like it was only last year….oh wait. It was only last year. The home we’re going to is much larger than this one and it will be nice to have a little breathing room. Now we just have the unfun part of actually doing the moving. Blech.
I got a recumbent bike. We only had to drive about a mile to pick it up from a local Craigslister. It was awkward and heavy to get in the van and then out of the van and then through the crowded garage and then into the living room where it sits smack dab in the middle of the floor where we already have precious little room. And this is where it will sit until we move. But what we sacrificed in walking room we gained in non functioning recumbent bike. Because the resistance doesn’t work. This we did not know until it was already in the middle of the living room. When I sat down on it at the Craiglisters home, I spun the wheels and tested the seat etc. I did not test the resistance. So it is my own fault that it sits here, looming in our space and not working. I get on it from time to time and spin the wheel while willing it to work. Sadly, it does not. Still. And not even now. Or now.
The woman we bought it from is very nice and has offered to give us our money back if we can’t figure out why it isn’t working. She seems genuinely befuddled and not the kind of person who would do this on purpose. In fact, she’s called their customer service number to find out if there is a simple fix for me. So there’s that. Now we’ll just have to lug it back out of the living room, down the stairs, back into the van, back out of the van and into her home again to get our money back. Good times.
And why would I get a huge recumbent bike just days before we move and have to lug it to another house anyway? This is a good question and not one I can easily answer. Joe describes it as though I have some kind of fever and it’s better to just get out of my shining, warm face all screwed up with expectation than to try and cut me off at the pass. I guess once I get my mind set on something and I feel like I need it, I mean really NEED it, then there isn’t anything anyone can say. And it was cheap. And exactly what I was looking for. And close. Now, if it just worked.
Like a Cloud of Gnats
Joe and I went out to dinner on Saturday for his Birthday. We went to a Greek place in Malibu which was kind of tucked into a corner of an upscale mall-ish place. Our server knew all the right things to say such as ‘may I take your order?’ and ‘yes, you’re very welcome.’ Her manner and affect, however, were awesome. Imagine a family run business where everyone has a part to play, like it or not. Now imagine you’re in your early twenties and are so bored you’re actually not even surly anymore. You’re just barely participating in the dance of waiting on the customers and when you say ‘would you like some more iced tea?’ you’re looking out the window and your cadence and tone don’t change. A robot. She could have been a robot. And Joe and I were giggling by the time we left, it was that obvious and that funny. We tried to thank her with pizazz just to see if we could shake her, but it didn’t work.
The food was great, though.
We were on our way out and had just about made it to the car when suddenly there were photographers everywhere and flashes going off. We saw Denise Richards with someone that could have been her dad. They were walking, not slowing down. Her face looked drawn behind her sunglasses and there was something about the way she walked that showed she was used to this hoopla. I’ve never seen paparazzi before and man, that does not look fun. They were swirling around her, some running a few steps ahead and then quickly turning to get a front shot and others flanking them on the sides. And all she was doing was walking. I felt sorry for her. I can see why someone might want to punch one of them every now and again. I do not ever want to be famous.
Happy 38, Joe!
I have this joke with Joe that when he’s older than me (from March until January of the next year) he’s so OOOOLD. But when we’re the same age (for 2+ months) he’s not. Well, today marks the entrance into his Oldness.
I decided last night that when I wrote this post today, I wouldn’t write anything all mushy but instead keep things funny and light. Ha ha! But I can’t seem to get past the feeling of mushy and all lovey-dovey so I’ve put off posting this until nigh late it the day. I guess I have to succumb and just write what is in my heart to write.
Joe is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He’s also one of the smartest and funniest people I’ve ever known. My kids say he knows half of everything in the universe or 51% of everything there is to know because no matter what they ask him, he knows the answer or how to find the answer within seconds. This knowledge does not make him pretentious. Instead, he seems to be more understanding and kind to those with a less wide knowledge base (me).
During this last while of me falling apart and him picking up the slack he has not complained once. He is encouraging and supportive and my biggest cheerleader. I could not have created a more compassionate mate if I had the means to do so and I will be forever grateful.
Happy Birthday, Joe. Sorry you’re so old but it was bound to happen. Again.
Our "Lawn"
Interview with Kyran from Notestoself.us
I was lucky enough to get to interview the wonderful Kyran from NotesToSelf.us for Neil’s Great Interview Experiment. So without further ado, here it is:

When and why did you start blogging?
In the summer of 2005, I went home to Newfoundland for a month. I set up a Yahoo 360 blog as a travel diary to share with friends back in Arkansas. I thought it would just be a little travelogue, with vacation photographs. I sat down to write about some moose that we saw,and wound up writing about my expatriate experience; how it feels to live so far from home, and what it means to not really belong to one culture or the other.
It took me totally by surprise. I had never thought of myself as a prose writer. I had been a poet before I had children, and I hadn’t yet figured out how to be that with small kids, because I had neither the time, nor the emotional space for poetry. But blogging can tolerate interruptions. I can (and do) blog with a child in my lap. I can get up and pour juice or apply a band-aid, and come back to it. And there is feedback. I’m very extroverted, and that makes it hard to be alone with my writing for long stretches. Creating a blog post feels more conversational. There’s a receiving end.
Do you have any tips for people wanting to get their writing published in magazines etc.?
Write well.
The magazine stuff has been so surreal. An editor at Good Housekeeping found Notes last spring, and two posts have now been adapted for print, with more coming. I read somewhere that putting your best work out on your blog and hoping to get published in print is like putting your resume on your doorstep and hoping to get a job. Isn’t that pithy? I almost believed it. Like I almost believed the advice to not put essay-length posts on the blog, but keep it light and short. I went to a Blogher workshop last summer where it was said that being a generalist will guarantee that your blog will never go anywhere. So much for conventional wisdom.
I write what I have to write, and I try to stay in forward motion. I tell myself the outcome is not my businessthe work will get where it needs to go. I obey little nudges, and once in a blue moon, they actually work out. I had two guest columns in the Globe & Mail (Canada’s equivalent of the Washington Post) because it popped into my head that they might fit well there. The editor agreed.
It’s so easy to query and submit now. Learn the rules of querying, follow them, and then just keep writing, even though you never hear back, or a mailbot writes to say you suck. Rejection doesn’t get any easier, but the acceptances make it all worthwhile. At the very least, you’ve still got your blog. Somebody, somewhere, gives a damn.
What were you like as a child?
A daydreamer and dawdler. Also precocious, sensitive and bossy. I haven’t changed much.
Are your children like you?
I really work hard at seeing my kids for who they are themselves, because I think too many parents project their own stuff onto their children. But yes, there are a few undeniable traits we share. It’s easy to see little me in my nine-year-old when he is carrying the weight of the world around or being a know-it-all. And the way my middle son can tune into his interior world for long stretches is very much like me. I think by the time the youngest arrived on the scene, all the available projections were used up, and he was free to be completely himself.
What’s your favorite music?
Whatever I am listening to. I have wildly eclectic (some might say indiscriminate) taste. I try to keep up with the trendy stuffindie rock, emo and even commercial pop. But there are a few staples I keep coming back to, mainly folk and alt-country. Tom Petty is the musical version of my very favorite pair of jeans. It sounds trite to say music is really important to me, because I can’t imagine that it isn’t for everybody, but music is REALLY important to me. My three children are a direct result of Liz Phair’s Exile in Guyville album. You’d think she’d come over and babysit once in a while.
You recently wrote about some very personal financial issues. Do you regret it? What kind of feedback did you get? Would you do it again?
Opening up about our financial struggles last year was as naked as I have ever gotten on the blog. It got to the point where I couldn’t not write about it. My husband’s freelance design business had flat-lined for months. We were facing foreclosure warnings, utility shut-offs. It was all that was going on with me. It was starting to feel artificial to keep writing around it.
I did worry that people might judge, tell us to suck it up, get a couple of real jobs. I got the opposite response. My readers were incredibly supportive. They wrote to tell me what my writing was worth to them, they shared their own struggles, they even told me to put up advertising! It was the most amazing vote of confidence, and it kept me going.
Not only would I do it again, I am doing it again. I recently signed on as a blogger for AOL’s money blog, WalletPop, and I will be sharing more as we wobble our way toward something like financial security.
Your writing seems to be so often inspired. Where do you find inspiration?
One of the great things about blogging is that you become an observer as well as an actor in your own life. The cliche is that bloggers are self-absorbed (like other writers aren’t), but the absorption is really with life. Even the most everyday, mundane happening can be rich with story. It’s an exercise in mindfulness.
I think one of the reasons people respond to personal blogs is the way it makes them think about the vividness of their own everyday experience.
Would you share one of your favorite poems that you’ve written?
This one was written for my middle son, on the eve of his fifth birthday.
Jars of Clay
All my poetry is broken.
Though it held up
to years and years
of life decanted.
Amphorae for two marriages.
An urn for my father’s ashes.
A corked bottle
with a scroll in it
for exile.
A vessel for every memory
regret, and desire
and not one of them
not all of them
could hold one drop of you,
four years old and crouched
in the garden, your hands
cupped around small life,
a rapt and tender god.
(Kyran Pittman, All Rights Reserved)
I’d love to hear about how you became a mail-order bride.
Ha! You’ll have to wait until I get a book deal (or we get drunk together at Blogher). But you get an advance copy. xo
Any words of wisdom to share with the masses?
Drop everything and run toward the person you are.
Newsletter Spam
I don’t know when it happened (my bet is gradually) but last week I counted over 30 newsletters in my inbox. 30. 30+ newsletters that I never read and usually delete immediately. More than half I never signed up for and have no idea how I got on their list. Of the half I did sign up for, most of those were some option when I signed up for a website like Monster.com and I didn’t realize I was going to get 12 of them a week. And I never read them. I delete them as they come in.
This past week I’ve been systematically unsubscribing from them all and I’d just like to say that kudos go to the companies that allow a one step unsubscribe. You click the link, you’re out. The next best are the two click unsubscribe. You click the link, they ask you if you’re sure or to input your email, then you’re out. But BOO and BAH to the companies that make you log in to your account and search for a tiny button somewhere that says ‘newsletters’ or ‘preferences’ that is hidden on the page or 5 clicks into the site. Don’t make me hate you while I try to get off your mailing list. That is when you become SPAM to me instead of just mostly a waste of my time. Bah to you and I won’t be coming back. And the worst? Making me CREATE an account to change the newsletter preferences. That makes me want to report you to someone and pour sand in your sheets.