I threw clam chowder up once and I couldn’t eat it for about 6 years and that was a onetime vomit deal. Nothing like the incredible amounts of awesome pain I’ve been in with our old friend Blue Cheese. You’d think I got ran over by a truck and then wrung out like an old dishrag. Picture me lying prone, moisture-less and wrinkled up like an old prune, arm extended slightly up and meekly calling for water. Additionally, I’ve had about 10 narcoleptic naps the past few days and as Joe will tell you, normally I can’t fall asleep anywhere except in the bed with about 15 pillows moated around me, the lights out and the fan on low to lull me into unconsciousness. Sometimes there is chanting going on in the background and incense rolling out in tufts over the headboard. If he so much as breaths wrong, I stiffen and have to start the whole relaxation process* over again, starting with my toes. Man, I’m a party in the sack.
The first and only time I ate blue cheese prior to this past weekend was in high school. Someone dared me to taste it so I tongued a chunk, gagged, and then spent my hard-earned 5 dollars on a new Duran Duran cassette tape. I probably had an eating disorder and I threw up on purpose so I could fit into my super tight button fly stonewashed 501s, so I don’t think you can count it as a really sad episode in my life. Plus, Double Duran? I scored. (Simon! I waited for you for so long!)
Joe will routinely get salad with blue cheese. I still kiss him but I have to admit that it’s not high on my list of Things Joe Eats That Make Me Lust. It’s higher than onion and garlic but lower, much lower, than say, strawberries or chocolate.
Last weekend I took Alex to San Diego with me for a get together with the photabulous women I shoot photos with occasionally. (I can say occasionally now that it’s happened twice, right?) Anyhoo, we started the wonderful day eating brunch and then walking downtown looking for things to take photos of. We only annoyed a couple of people. Quite a successful feat for us. I must say that what Ocean Beach was lacking in silicone it more than made up for in body odor. BO in OB. GET IT?? And also? Unfortunate clothing choices.
While we waited for our food at Hodad’s, I heard my name called through the open window. And lo and behold, there was Joe’s Aunt Joan! Fun surprise. We chatted through the window until the angry man (ASShole!) sitting in between us “asked” us to stop.
At the beach we saw a dude with friendly parrots who used a very unique call to get them to come back. I believe it went something like, “Hey! Get back here!! NOW!!” And the weird thing is that they did.
Margot, Susan, Alex and I went to Old Town to the Living Room to eat fish tacos for dinner. And then Margot went home. (sadface)(hello, matt!)
On the way to Susan’s home, we stopped at Aaryn’s home. The minute I walked into the door her husband Sam put me to work folding towels. Just kidding. I love to fold clothes so I pushed my way into the Folding Circle. I just don’t like putting them away or hanging them up. Their home is quite lovely and we had great conversation but we missed seeing Ruby in the flesh. What? Kids don’t stay up past 11?
We finally made it to Susan’s where we found hand written notes scattered along the kitchen counter intermixed with plates and bowls of food. Twas a veritable smörgasbord and all fixed lovingly by Mr. Susan, Doug Myrland. Yes, Doug had given up on us ever really making it to the house and had long since gone to bed, but he left behind him the very best parts of himself and we consumed the delectable chicken wings and veggies and fried zucchini and fried olives. (Olives? Really?? Yes. They were yummy.) And herein is where we meet our old friend Blue Cheese because what would you dip all the wonderful crudités in if not blue cheese dressing? And it wasn’t just an ordinary blue cheese dressing. This was a Doug Myrlandized blue cheese dressing with additions that I can only imagine. Probably magic and fairy dust because it was the most delicious thing I’d ever had on raw carrots and celery sticks.
About a half gallon later, I went straight to bed where my stomach proceeded to not digest a single, solitary iota of any particle of food. One of the fun effects of stupid hypothyroid is slow digestion, which makes me never really feel hungry and I forget to eat because the food just sits there. It also means I’m pooping out chicken and blue cheese today from 3 days ago even though I emptied my stomach through the top vent by throwing up the entire drive home. Yes, I loved the blue cheese the first time but not the next 17 times. But, Doug! Thanks for being so sweet and next time we’ll get there sooner and eat with you. But I’m afraid I must bid the blue cheese adieu.**
I saw my old/new doc the other day and she upped my dose by about a kazzillion percent, was astonished at the lack of care I’d received during the year and a half I had been away from her and was righteously angry on my behalf as I told her all about how ridiculous and obtuse that dumb doctor was. I felt validated and safe. And then I cried real puppy dog tears and thanked her from the bottom of my heart for being so informed and saying all the things I needed to hear. After feeling my throat for what seemed like ages, she determined that the nodules are actually getting smaller. Instead of going crazy with some kind of invasive procedure, we’re going to wait and see. I like that. She even hugged me on the way out and gave me a two-month supply of Synthroid at the new, higher dose to save me money. You can’t beat that. As bad as the old place was, the new/old place is that great in contrast and I’m so glad to be back with them. There is a reason they don’t accept HMOs. It allows them to keep their level of care so much higher.
*My relaxation technique was given to me by one of my therapists where you start with either your head or your toes and consciously think about each body part relaxing while steadying and deepening your breathing. It usually works for me but it takes a dang long time.
**Alex just came home and told me that her stomach feels terrible and that she might start ralphing. I wonder if we caught a bug and that it had nothing to do with blue cheese at all? If that is the case, I’d like to apologize to Doug’s Blue Cheese Dip. Aaryn, did you say you got sick, too?
I am so sorry you got sick! what a lousy way to end the weekend — and blue cheese is very high on the list of things I would not want to revisit after it had been in my tummy. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the villain though, ’cause I ate my fair share that night and the next couple of days and didn’t have any trouble. I’m pointing the finger at the fish tacos.
not counting the vomiting… sounds like a fun fun foto filled weekend!!
Perhaps it’s salmonella? Of course that’s Bossy’s answer to everything. It just seems so much more Germy. Oh, and Bossy’s favorite member of Duran Duran was the lanky bass player. You know, the one who was wildly addicted to cocaine and Jack Daniels.
ewww. Blue Cheese. There is a reason it is blue. Blue is not a good color to be eating.
As for the relaxation tip. I learned it from a drama teacher in High School. The more you use it the quicker you begin to relax and fall asleep. You just mentally walk yourself through every part of your body relaxing. I always start at my toes. Relax toes. Relax. Relax ankles. etc. I have to say it a few times (mentally) but I never make it past my knees anymore.
Hooray for good medical care. I had a lousy doctor and then saw a very good doctor. I seem to have Graves’ but I’m hopeful for a spontaneous remission of some sort. I hope you will feel better soon!
If I can’t sleep, I’m usually so wound that I can’t do the head to toe relaxing thing because I get too distracted. I’m all “Ah, toes, feet, ankles, I wonder what Meridith Baxter Berney is doing these days”.
I LOVE that photo. I will stand up for blue cheese though. Ate it tonight in fact!
p.s. Doug says that next time you visit, you’ll get no more fried food and raw veggies. He’ll plan the menu around what might come back up. He’ll treat it as a Top Chef challenge… we’ll send him to the store with $20 and he has to come back with something appetizing *and* easily barfable.
I can’t use that relaxation technique on my own. I get too impatient. I can only do it if someone else is saying it to me.
On my own, I do one of the following:
-Take deep breaths. With each breath in, imagine your breath filling up your entire body all the way to your toes. With each breath out, picture your breath leaving your body from the toes up, taking every bit of tension with it.
-Imagine you are standing in a bubbling stream. The water is the perfect temperature and golden from the sunlight hitting it. The bubbling water feels miraculous on your feet. As you stand in the water, taking deep breaths, with each breath out, more and more tension leaves your body. The tension leaves from your head down, exiting your body through your feet and getting washed away by the stream.
I will try that Michelle. BTW Leah, I can’t do Blue Cheese either.