Let me tell you a little story: The last post I did? I actually posted it a week ago but it was somehow set to PRIVATE and I didn’t know it and then I realized it and then I marked it PUBLIC and now you can see it. Cool story, huh? There is no moral or arc. You’ll just have to get over it and accept it for what it is, whatever that is.
Let me tell you a big secret: I’ve gained 15 pounds in the past 2 years. Add that to the 20 pounds I gained when my thyroid started going out 4 years ago and the gazillion pounds I gained on medications for 6 years and you’re talking about a-LOT-o weight. And now I look like this. I look at that person and can’t believe it’s me. I don’t feel like that on the inside but I sure do feel like that when I get on the treadmill. I can’t exercise more than about 20 minutes without getting so sleepy, achy and wiped out that I don’t move for the next 12 hours. The doctor said that within 7-8 weeks on the higher thyroid dose I will start to feel an improvement and be able to workout longer. ‘What a relief’ said my knees. She also said my appetite should improve once my body starts functioning again like a real person and that I would actually GET HUNGRY and then WANT TO EAT and that in so doing I would LOSE WEIGHT because I would have energy to MOVE MY BODY. She also told me that I will have a harder time because I used to have eating disorders. And also not to get pregnant for the next two years. (SADFACE)
Let me tell you a little something about time management: I have three large boxes with approximately 447 photos to scan and crop and resize and put on disks for my entire family before the reunion later this month. I have had these images since last July and have not cracked them open or done a little scanning each day to cut down on the overall effort. After the reunion is Blogher and I’m supposed to have some really funny and entertaining things to say. Who thinks I can do it?
Let me tell you a very short sentence about moving boxes: STILL THERE.
Let me tell you about my kids: They stayed here for 9 days. Now they are at their dad’s for 10. And then they’ll be back for 5 and then at his for etc. etc. and on through August. You ask, Do they like it? Are they sad they have to do 50/50 time? And I answer you with the only measuring sticks I have available –
- Alex said she hopes we stay in this house until she graduates in 2 years and also that she likes being able to be here whenever she wants. I think my curfew for her is 30 minutes later than her dad’s. Is that bribery? I wasn’t aware of it before hand so I must vote no. But it doesn’t hurt.
- Ty trusts me to get him to his daily practices and games on time and prepared with the necessary sport accessories. His face no longer looks strained or worried an hour before we leave. He called this house his Home at least 3 times in phone conversations that I overheard.
- Tony’s room is as messy over here as at his dad’s. He does not put clothes in the hamper or away in his drawers. He also makes snacks at midnight and doesn’t clean up after himself. I’m taking all these things as signs that he is as comfortable here as there.
Let me tell you a tiny nerd anecdote: Tony’s friend came over and asked if we had the Pink Floyd movie, The Wall. I told him he could check the shelves. He asked where it might be and I told him they were in alphabetical order. He breathed out, ‘Coooool!’
Let me tell you a post script: LA Angst is coming up on July 11th! Reader spaces are filling up quick this time if I believe the 17 people that told me they want to read. Get off the fence, duckies! I only have room for seven six more of you.
“The Wall” is one of my favorite movies. I used to like to watch it in high school and fantasize that I was a deep person, which I wasn’t.
I’m deep now, though. Really, really deep.
You’re beautiful, The Leah.
Officically OFF the fence, I am. And spending time looking for embarrassing journal entries. The dust. It is in my eyes.
You are Leah, The Fabulous and Beautiful and I can’t wait to meet you! (As opposed to just staring at you across the pool and hoping we’d connect in a staring match and…you know the rest.)
OH! I’m also looking for crafty things to trade for a Bonpron. Dude. I need one.
Crafty stuff has no dust as far as I’m aware.
“After the reunion is Blogher and I’m supposed to have some really funny and entertaining things to say. Who thinks I can do it?”
I do.
Let me tell you something that is NOT a secret: you are absolutely beautiful. Seriously. When people first meet you (like I did at blogher) the first thing they think is how pretty you are.
Leah, I am so glad you shared a picture with us readers. I imagine people I like online as slender and magazine perfect as I’m not. I too have gained a lot of weight from medication (roughly 40 or 50 pounds). I’m learning to accept my body and feel that this is who I am for now. I tried Weight Watchers, and though I was religious about it, I only lost 5 pounds over five months. That gave me a greater understanding of my body and hope for acceptance.
But believe me, I know what you mean when you say “I look at that person and can’t believe it’s me.” I feel the same way every time I walk by the bathroom mirror naked. “That’s me,” I think. And I fight so hard to think “It’s OK that that’s me.”
Kinda preachy, I guess, but it’s what you made me feel. You tapped into something I struggle with.
Leah, I know you can do it! Glad things are back on track with the kids. Maybe all that positive energy to get your family together unintentionally attracked the mice? (People need to not use the term “critters” in prayers anymore? Probably not a bad rule.)
As someone who just saw you several days ago, I feel I have the right to say you look terrific and sexy. As for your procrastination problem… well, join the crowd.
I hear you about the photos. I just took on the project to scan the family slides… but I’m cheating, I’m going to plop down big bucks and pay someone else like .35 per slide to just get it done. Otherwise I KNOW they will sit in my garage for years… hell they are still in my car from Saturday! yikes.
and I must echo what everyone else says, you are beautiful, inside and out.
Yeah, I hear you about the weight and medications and the thyroid thing. You are gorgeous but I know it will be nice to get back to where you were. I’m sure you can do it! Bodies are such weird things.
People sometimes hate when other people tell them that they’re gorgeous after they’ve stated a vulnerability about their appearance , so I won’t say it. But I’ll think it. Quietly, to myself. (Also, am thinking, good for you for taking it on to change what you don’t like.)
And, while I’m thinking about that, I’ll also be thinking about I SO SO SO wish that I lived in LA and could angst it up. So wish.
Bossy agrees with HBM – Bossy will sit here and think about how much you rock at whatever weight and how most people wish they had one-fifth of your shine. But Bossy won’t say it out loud and she certainly won’t post a comment about it. La la la.
your beauty is transcendent, leah. i’m not just speaking of the physical beauty that is you—and you are beautiful whether you change the way you look or not—but of beauty you radiate from the inside.
keep putting one foot in front of the other. twenty minutes a day on the treadmill will get easier and is so good for your insides. if nothing else, it gives you a little private time each day to clear your head. and just remember when your knees hurt, that knees are very poorly designed to begin with.
glad things are looking up with the kids. and as for the reunion project backed up against your blogher appearance: i KNOW you can do it.
your beauty is transcendent, leah. i’m not just speaking of the physical beauty that is you—and you are beautiful whether you change the way you look or not—but of beauty you radiate from the inside.
keep putting one foot in front of the other. twenty minutes a day on the treadmill will get easier and is so good for your insides. if nothing else, it gives you a little private time each day to clear your head. and just remember when your knees hurt, that knees are very poorly designed to begin with.
glad things are looking up with the kids. and as for the reunion project backed up against your blogher appearance: i KNOW you can do it.
You know? I just thought of something else. Where do you shop, because I LOVE that top.