Murhy's Law

I generally think of myself as an earth-friendly person. I don’t let my kids litter. I was a smoker for 13 years or so and never threw a cigarette butt out of the car window, although one was pulled from my fingers once and was gone before I could even blink. That was a sad day which I’m not sure I’ve fully recovered from.

I recycle. At one time I had 6 trashcans to accommodate 6 types of rubbish. I no longer have that many but I have enough. I compulsively follow up when my kids throw things away to make sure that no can or plastic bottle goes unnoticed and into the wrong bin. I even go so far as to pick up other people’s litter when I see it and it’s not too sticky, providing I have a pocket to put it in. I’m generally a good citizen. I vote. I stay current with what’s going on around me. I buy Girl Scout cookies and donate to those lying kids that sell magazine subscriptions to make money for college when I know they are really going to buy crack, but I can’t prove it, and what if they are telling the truth?

I don’t shop at behemoths like Wal-mart, unless absolutely necessary and feel guilty every second, and do shop at local stores to support our cities infrastructure. I buy meat and produce that is hormone and pesticide free and organically grown in the local area, thereby supporting our farmers. I eat protein powder in my home-made smoothies made with frozen organically grown bananas. I drink lots of water. I wear energy patches. I try to get enough sleep. I remind my kids to take their vitamins and brush their teeth. I believe in a Higher Power. I believe in Karma. And I believe we are all socially responsible for out planet.

And for years I drove a small, gas efficient, stick-shift car with broken tape deck, no CD player, a compulsion for blowing the front right tire and passed on the opportunity to own a new Hummer when they first were pushed into the forefront of vehicle manufacturing, even though it was yellow, because I care about our energy resources and the air we breathe. I also passed on the massive F150 with the red flames licking across the front even though I love flames and licking. And when the air conditioning broke for the third time in my too small and naturally evil Escort which was no longer under warranty, I just kept driving it anyway, knowing I was somehow doing something good for Mother Earth by not getting one of the dammed SUVs because I was waiting for the hybrid van. I didn’t care who would come out with one that actually worked well first – Ford or Toyota, I just wanted one. So I waited. And waited. And waited.

And then I got married. And it came to pass that there were six of us, two being quite large, and not all could fit at the same time. This became a source of many contentious moments and many, many, many trips made in two vehicles instead of one. And I figured I waited long enough.

Last Wednesday we bought a van. A huge, gas-guzzling, 50-dollars-to-fill-the-tank, black, 8-seater Chevy Astro. And we all fit with room to spare and no one touches or has to squirm. It has AIR CONDITIONING which allows me to drive without the windows rolled down in 100 degree heat, sweat rolling down my back in steady streams. It has a 6-changer CD player so I can listen to Bjork and Frou Frou without the background accompaniment of the wind. And now, five (5) days later, Ford announces you can order their new hybrid vehicle online. Right now. No waiting. Which makes me an energy-conscious, world-loving freak that drives around in a humungous, spectacular, earth killing vehicle. It’s a bit of a conundrum.