Posted on by leohblooms

Dear WWW

Thanks for stopping by via Dooce and leaving comments and sending me all kinds of mail.
To those of you that say nice things: thanks and come back anytime.
To those of you that say mean things: suck it and don’t let the door hit you in the ass.
To the overwhelming number of you writing me emails wanting instructions for the jellybean reindeer: it was created in Photoshop and is not real in a 3-D kind of way. But by the power vested in me as a crafty-person, I hereby give you all the power to make one up with your own Styrofoam balls, jellybeans of many colors, pipe cleaners, googly eyes and fake deer hooves that you have lying around the house. Good luck to’ya.
To the woman that wrote me 5 times, each new email more insistent than the last: I am not hiding or keeping secret the instructions because there aren’t any. Do you understand? It was all made in my computer. Not. Real. Coming from a person that took medication for years, you seem a little unstable and wacky so you might want to take a friend poll and see if it’s time to up the daily cocktail to 300 milligrams or something. Just a suggestion because I’m sure that otherwise you are a very nice person and as soon as you get your dose right, you won’t be obsessing about whether I’m hiding craft instructions from you or not. Instead you’ll be making your very own jellybean animals. And wouldn’t that be nice?

14 Replies to “Dear WWW”

  2. I too, found you through Dooce, and will be reading often. Maybe you should just make up some directions for the Jellybean Reindeer, just to put to rest all the rumors of whole secret conspiracy involving the CIA, the Mafia, the Vatican, and Leonardo DeVinci.

  5. Joe, I’ll take ya out for a beer and we’ll play “Wind Beneath My Wings” on the jukebox 🙂

  7. I found you through Dooce too and I’ve bookmarked your blog because I found you to be funny. I’m pretty sure once you lose the crazy people, you’ll be able to release that craft instruction booklet right? Right? RIGHT?

    Nice freaks ya got there! They are everywhere, lemme just tell ya.

  8. I too am here through the link in Dooce. I guess being linked to by Heather can really turn a blogger’s world upside down. While she can bestow a traffic surge like no other, Dooce must have a HUGE number of nutcases in tow…

  9. I think that your masthead should read ‘leahpeah: I’m hiding things from you’, and continue to taunt others with your abilities and talents.

    And, not gonna lie, I still think the lips are a little freaky.

  10. leah. don’t remeber when i started reading you, but am not surprised to know that you and dooce are friends.
    I’m also doing the ex-mormon thing, drank “hell-juice’, also known as coffee, at the thing after my mom’s funeral. Shocked the bishop and the guy who gave the eulogy, who called me “Gail”. I’m not “Gail”. I might have to start my own blog soon, then we can have a whole group of ex-mormonblogs. Love your writing. Great style.
    I don’t know how to make reindeer out of jelly beans, but I do know how to make them out of marshmallows and candy canes!

  11. Er, could you have made it *any* more obvious in the image that it was Photoshopped? I can’t think how people were “fooled”…

  12. Dear Leahpeah,
    I have been reading your blog for some time. Yeah, it was originally a link from Dooce. 🙂
    I love your alias… brings me back to childhood when I used to taunt my brother, (mercylessly I might add), with the initials of his name. Lee Prang = LeePee! Pissed him off! We giggled, Horrible, huh?

    I have a gift for you to send to the Psyco who wants directions. Yes, I was a Sunday School teacher, Girl Scout leader, and worked for a publisher. Please don’t mark off for grammar, consistancy or other errors of omission. 🙂

    Jelly Bean Reindeer
    1 3-4” styrofoam ball
    2 1/2” Googly Eyes
    1 lb. Jelly Belly™ candies
    2 Green Chenelle Stems
    2 White Chenelle Stems
    20 chocolate chips melted
    1 set of lips from “Monster Mix Halloween Candies”
    1 dozen assorted size Styrofoam balls
    Aileen’s Tacky Glue

    Assembly Instructions:

    Cut 1 green Chenelle Stem in half, set aside. Bend the whole Chenelle stem in half, and twist the cut Chenelle stems approx. 1 inch from each end of the bend Chenelle Stem to form antlers. Dip the bent angle of the Chenelle Stem antlers into Aileen’s Tacky Glue and poke it into the 3-4” styrofoam ball to form antlers.

    Cut each the 2 White Chenelle Stems in half. Melt chocolate chips in a microwave safe dish for approx 45 seconds, stir untill smooth. Dip one end of each of the cut stem into the chocolate to form “hooves”, lay on waxed paper and cool in the freezer for 2 minutes.

    Dip the non-chocolate coated end of the cut stem into Aileen’s Tacky Glue and poke it into the 3-4” styrofoam ball to form legs on the opposite end of the ball from the green antlers.

    Use craft stick (or fingers) to apply Aileen’s Tacky Glue liberally to the 3-4” styrofoam ball, and stick the Jelly Belly™ candies all over the ball. Allow to dry for approximently 2 hours.

    Use Aileen’s Tacky Glue to afix Googly eyes. Use a chocolate candy mouth from “Monster Mix” Halloween candy, and afix with Aileen’s Tacky Glue.

    Use the 1 dozen assorted size Styrofoam balls to decorate the display area for your Jelly Belly™ Reindeer.

  14. Pingback: leahpeah » Blog Archive » Instructions

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