My ex and I have the ‘every other weekend’ thing going. There are always exceptions but for the most part, it works. The boys come over Friday after school and hang out until Sunday afternoon. There are games and friends and all the usual suspects in the mix but it’s so nice having the home base be this home that I don’t mind any of it.
My daughter, on the other hand, can barely carve out an hour to come over when it’s my weekend. Her social schedule being what it is, it’s hard to find the time. But I get it. I remember what it’s like to be 17. Hell, I was getting married at her age and popping out a baby. So I try to just be thankful for any time I get to spend with her.
She doesn’t sleep at my home like the boys do. She opted a few months back to sleep only at her dad’s which hurt my feelings quite a bit at the time. But she promised to come over during the days and I know she does her best fitting me in between sleepovers and hanging out with her friends.
The interesting things is that when it’s NOT my weekend, I see her more. She makes plans with me to go to a movie or do something else together. For example, this past weekend, we got our hair and nails done and then baked cupcakes for school together AND watched a movie. It was a whole day spent together and I just wonder why it happens when it’s not my weekend. Does she want alone time with me? Does she need to rebel a little against the rules? Whatever the reason, I’m thankful for it. I’m so glad she wants to spend any time with me at all.
That’s so awesome, Leah!
I wonder if maybe she just doesn’t like the “structure” or obligation of having certain days (and precious weekends at that) designated as Mom days. Maybe it feels too forced that way?
I’m with you, take it however it comes. Some of the best bonding moments with my kids were/are the ones that weren’t planned and just sort of happened.
it’s amazing how flexible we have to learn to be as they grow into their teen years. Seems good you’re not forcing the set rules on her… and so affirming to see the ways the moments show up. Thank you for sharing this, it reminds me to bend a little more with the 15 yo.
I think you hit the nail ont he head when you said she might want alone time with you. Just girlie time together.
Thanks for sharing these beautiful moments. I remember when I was 17, I always wanted to have control over me. So if my mom wanted me to do something at noon, I’d tell her I couldn’t do it until 1. I think it’s great that you’re seeing this as an opportunity for the two of you to grow rather than forcing her into the routine created by the adults in her world. You’re a beautiful, wonderful Mother. Trust in that.
that is a rough one.
if she is anything like me, maybe she just wants to rebel against the rules. i mean, im 18 and i still don’t like being told what to do. maybe it feels more natural for her if she can see you on her terms, when she is comfortable.
i know that my dad is not really present in my life, he has many issues and he needs to work those out before he can become any sort of a parent. but, when things were not bad, i preferred to see him on my terms. my parents had all this split custody stuff, i ended up feeling most comfortable with him when i set the times and activities…just a thought.
My 18-year-old daughter lives with me and her dad and always has and I STILL hardly see her. She’s either at work, making money for school next year, or here with her boyfriend in another room. Or shopping for clothes, seeing a movie or eating out.
She says they could go to his apartment but she feels uncomfortable with that, so I guess I’m lucky there, but why he has to be here every.single.minute.she.is.here, I just don’t get.
Hmmm…maybe it’s time for her to pay some rent or get out on her own…I was out right after I graduated at 17.
she not want to hang out with her brothers.