The Harmony Branch™

Schmutzie has invented a way for people to get through the day without yanking their own or the people close to them’s hair out*. It’s called The Harmony Branch™ and it is genius.

I want an order of 20. Mostly, I want to pass them out to the parents that pick up their kids from school. The ones that, you know, have to back into the space and place the direction of the front of the SUV in the optimal trajectory for a speedy and rude exit. Positioning is everything to these parents. They are usually wearing turtlenecks** and having the 4-year-old in the front seat next to them practicing the violin from John Thompson’s Level Five book. Which is piano, but these kids are special and geniuses and can translate from piano to violin on the fly.

I sound so catty which is why I really need an order of 20 of those The Harmony Branch™es. I need to put them everywhere in the house and about 5 in the car. But I don’t think they are going to help me with the loss of my camera.

*I am totally aware that not only is it improper to make ‘them’ a possessive but the entire sentence structure is rather odd and illegal. Sorry, Mrs. Beesley, but it flowed off the tongue and dripped onto the keyboard.

**I wear turtlenecks all the freakin’ time. Why am I choosing them as a point of contention in this case? I have no idea. Maybe I wish I could play the violin.

Same as it Ever Was (but better)

I’m home! I had such a great time. I kind-of, sort-of, partially relaxed and for those few minutes, time stood still and it FELT like a really long vacation. And I saw lots of Cesar and dog miracles. It was awes. There was lots of this for two days so we stayed in and took naps and talked and drank. And watched more about dogs. I think that would be more relevant if I had a dog…….but I’m saving it for the future since I totally intend to have one at some point and by dang, that dog is going to need me to know how to make it yield to my alpha power. Heel!

But, thanks for your suggestions and well wishes on my vacation. I’m going to keep practicing and setting better limits on my working day and see if I can figure this sucker out.

I saw a flower. And a spider web. We did not look at the sewing machine which is probably just as well since the vodka might have made it hard to sew without going through a finger. I saw my niece and her husband and some of his family. We went to a movie and ate sushi and someone might have farted on someone’s lap. Maybe. And Leta was just as cute as could be. Chuck slept with me some of the time. I tell you – there are not many things better than good friends with a toddler, a dog, and a liquor cabinet.

In the Car

“So, kids, don’t forget. I’m leaving tomorrow and I won’t be back until Sunday night.”
“Where are you going?”
“Salt Lake City.”
“Why?”
“To see some friends.”
“What their names?”
“Heather and Jon.”
“Heather and Jon what?”
“Armstrong.”
“Are they related to Louis Armstrong?”
“Absolutely.”

Speaking of Boys in Cars

Alex and I were driving to pick Ty and Tony up from the gym where they go twice a week because their dad set them up with a personal trainer. Someday, they are both going to play for the NFL and in their speeches where they thank the little people in their lives, they’ll thank their dad for the large guns they sport on each arm thanks to their personal trainer when they were in 6th and 7th grade and then they’ll thank me for trying to remember to have Gatorade in the house.

Anyway, Alex and I had been talking about boys and makeup and how I’m #1 on her MySpace, just like we always do, when the van slid up to the curb. We stopped our conversation and waited for them to climb in. At first, I thought they were arguing about something that had happened during their training session. But as they climbed over the seat and hit me in the head with water bottles and shoes, I realized that they were just talking. Loudly. Very animated and over each other.

‘Finally!’ I thought. ‘They have bonded to the point that they can have deep conversations about things that really matter to them! They can be there for each other and back each other up. Give advice! They’ll always have each other!’ And I smiled and looked meaningfully at Alex so she would know that we should sit reverently and observe this wonderful moment. And here is what we heard:

“And – and then the one kids all ‘You don’t even know sucka!’
“And then the guys all put up their sweatshirt hoods -”
“And you hear the voice say, ‘Then they slipped into Da Hood.’ ”
“And then the one cool guy -”
“He kinda twists his hat all side-to-side really fast and is all ‘Don’t make me go crazy, now!‘ ”
“And the other kids all (in a total gangsta voice) ‘Whazzup Run Nee One? Whazzup Die Ah Ree Ah?‘ ”
(laughing hysterically with each other)
(Alexandra and I exchange a look)
‘And so- and so then the close-up goes into the hands and it shows that symbol.’
(they slowly bring their hands towards each other and in unison chant)
‘Poop………………………….poop………………….poop…………….poop………….poop………poop
…….poop…..poop…poop..pooppooppooppooppoop.’

Yes. My sons were planning a movie short about poo. And it’s the only time I can think of that they were in total agreement with each other and had no conflict for an extended period of time. And so happy with themselves. Someday, it is conceivable that I will be invited to watch a film they have created together. And the subject of that film might be excrement. I will be so proud.

poop

Things Related to Cars

1. Driving the other day, I saw a car, driver with a backwards baseball cap as the youth of today are wont to do, with an air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. The shape of the freshener was a fist with an extended finger. My thought and subsequent question to Joe: ‘What scent is F You?’

2. Saturday mornings mean GET UP AT THE BUTTCRACK OF DAWN AND TAKE THE BOYS TO THE TRACKMEET and I have to write it in all caps because that is what is feels like. I would prefer a whisper, but that is not to be had. While the boys are awake and actively talking about who’s little spirits they are going to stomp by slamming their record into the dirt, I endeavor to drive. Just drive. That is it. Please. I’ll just concentrate on the driving and occasionally sip from the cup that holds the Nectar of the Gods otherwise known as coffee. So, this past Saturday morning, it took me awhile to tune in and hear what Ty and Tony were saying. Nay singing. The song on the radio: Take a Picture by Filter. And here is what they were singing to me:

Please won’t you take our picture
So the flash will wake up mommmmm
Please won’t you take our pihihihicture
So the flash will wake up our mom

We don’t believe in coffee
We don’t believe in coffee
She’s going to crash our car

Thanks

Thanks for all your emails and comments, everyone. I’ve decided to put the survey online so you can do it electronically and the answers can be saved and searched. It should be ready to be used mid-next week and I’ll let you know when/where to go to do it.

Yesterday, for the first time in a looooong time, I got to do a photo shoot. Since we are still getting the business up and running, my usual day is about 12 hours of different types of computer stuff and phone calls. So it’s been a long time since I got to spend a whole day shooting. It was really great and I hope to do it again sometime soon or at least before another year goes by. More specifics later.

Gardening with Mom and Dad

Here is a photo of the awesome Southern Utah dirt in my parent’s backyard.

awesome_dirt

I kept asking if I could bring some home but they just gave 3 huge boxes to my sister and her husband and you can only spare a few hundred pounds a year, yo. But, I better be next! I just want my tomatoes to taste as good as my Dads. Oh ho ho yum! I think it’s the iron in the soil. And, they sent me home with tons of delicious nutrients and treatments for our soil. No real complaints here. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

mom_n_dad

Every spring, my parents plan out their garden, including the greenhouse, for optimal growth and beauty. It usually starts like this:

garden_plan

Continue reading “Gardening with Mom and Dad”

New Ring

Joe bought this for me on the way back home from rural Utah. I quite like it. I’m very into milky Butterscotch Amber and odd colors of Turquoise, sometimes white or robin’s egg blue but the green of this stone really called to me.

new_ring

I wondered if it is Gaspeite or possibly Chrysoprase. Anyone know? It has tiny reddish/brown veins running around in it.

Please Leave a Message

Guess what? I’m not here. I’m driving to my niece, Alison’s, wedding to the awesome Tony which is to be held deep in the bosom of Utah. Or, if it’s Friday, I’m helping to decorate. Or if it’s Saturday, I’m actually at the ceremony, crying and hugging people and shooting photos of the lovely event. Or if it’s Sunday, I’m driving to my parent’s home. And, if it’s Monday, I’m driving back through Death Valley, passing the alien that sells beef jerky and the world’s largest thermometer, and almost home.

In the meantime, should you miss me, you can browse through the new favorites page I created just for you. Yes! You! You’ll find the most hit entries from the past 3 years plus I tossed in a couple of my own favorites that don’t get enough love.

Also, there are the interviews, flickr and the columns. And, on Monday, a new interview will magically appear even though I’m not even here!! I would tell you who it is but that would totally ruin the surprise. But I’ll give you a hint: it’s someone that is crafty.

That should totally cover you until I get back.

xo

Tony Pickles, Oh Dang!

Anthony has always liked pickles. He used to LOVE pickles to the tune of sneaking entire bottles and finishing them off by drinking the juice but it’s now down to a more reasonable level of a few spears every day or so. He used to walk around with his skin slightly yellow and the scent of parfum de vinaigre in a cloud about him.

Tony's Pickles

He’s graduated his love of pickles to the creation level. He now enjoys making them. We’ve made them a few times over the past couple of years together with a different recipe each time. His favorites are the ones with just dill and garlic. Some of them have been pretty great. In the last batch we threw in half a teaspoon of Peppercorn Mélange which adds a little kick. He wants to create a business and sell them. I tell him, sure. We can do that. And maybe we will.

He’s into art; all kinds. Have you seen his Flash movie? He’s working on a second one with an elaborate storyline of a fallen angel, his best friend and how he gets redemption. The drama gets quite diverse and deep. I think he’s going to be quite a storyteller. We bought him his own art supplies today. He got his first set of acrylics, a mixer tray with attached lidded pots, a 20″x24″ canvas, a brush set, a tiny pink soap and a color wheel.

Tony's First 'Real' Painting

He calls it his first ‘real’ painting. He’s very proud of it. He keeps checking with me to see if I think it’s ‘good’ or how much I think someone might buy it for. I tell him it speaks to me about duality and contrast. Maybe something about keeping things in balance. But that isn’t what he wants to hear so I tell him it’s fantastic and I mean it. I do think it’s fantastic. But I’m his mom, so it doesn’t count. I don’t know how many times since he was much younger that we’ve talked about art and how it’s so subjective and impossible to classify ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and yet that was one of the first questions out of his mouth when he finished. He also has a deep yearning to be famous. I don’t doubt that he will be someday. I just hope it’s for something that is worthwhile and not something he’ll feel bad about later like going on the first reality TV show that comes knocking. I hope he holds out for one that is really awesome like this one.

If I could afford to, I’d buy him a digital camcorder. He loves my phone because of its capability to create small movies. Here is one where he finally got me to smile even though we bet he couldn’t. We were at the track meet last Saturday waiting for his turn to go and run the 100 meter dash. It was a looooooong day. The day that never ended. The day where the parent volunteers kept not showing up at their assigned places and we had to listen to ‘Could the parent volunteers who signed up for the long jump please report for afternoon duty?’ every five minutes. Seriously. Long day. I didn’t feel like smiling, but his awesome finger tricks totally killed and I had no choice.

He likes to do imitations of people and is in a serious Listening to How That Sounds Again, phase. He says the same phrase over and over until he perfects how he wants it to sound or makes the same noise over and over until I think I might need to chop my ears off or until he finally gets it right. Here is an example. Oh, dang, he’s cute.

Today

Oh, hi there! How are you? Nice to see you! My name is Leahpeah and I’ll be your host this evening.

Man, this has been a Busy! Week! I haven’t had time to breathe. But I did have time to look through glass eyes and small heads being modeled out of clay. I’m posting photos later.

Right at this moment, the sky is a beautiful, fresh shade of blue. I can hear the birds singing outside. The kids are getting ready for school. Breakfast is made. It’s going to be a great day.