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I’ve decided that I really know very little. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I know stuff, but then I’m always brought back into focus sharply and abruptly. I am learning to be glad for all these learning opportunities that find their way into my life. After all, I wouldn’t be learning if it wasn’t for those things.

Sometimes I think I know what I’m doing with my life. And I try, try, try…..and buck the system and work hard and then I realize that what I’ve been trying to do isn’t really what I’m supposed to be doing at all. Or that what I’m placing so much importance on really isn’t the thing. Or what I’m so busy convincing myself that I don’t need or don’t need to do is really what I’m supposed to be doing/facing. But it sure takes a good conk on the head to make me see what’s what. Sometimes it takes repeated, continuos conks……

But all these things are good. And they help me. And I’m glad.

About 10 years ago I still didn’t know what a great support system my family could be. They are the same wonderful people they ever were: I’ve changed. As recently as a year ago I still wasn’t sure that God loved me and cared for me and directed my life. He’s still the same as He ever was: I’ve changed. Even about a month ago, I wasn’t sure I could do anything well enough to support myself. I still have the same skills I had before, but I’ve changed my thinking. And I’m looking for new opportunities to broaden my skill set and to sharpen the existing ones.

No, I haven’t started making enough money yet, but I will. And soon. And the more I do the things I’m supposed to do and stop trying to go in directions that aren’t open to me, the sooner it will happen.

But I don’t pretend to really know anything beyond a few simple truths.

Things like:

God is Love and Love is Everything.

The Universe and God give us Everything we Need.

It’s People, not Things.

I will get at least one parking ticket this month.

quick recap for the kids:

remember that just cuz i don’t know anything, doesn’t mean i know nothin’, God will bring you through, almost everything in this world is excess fluffy cotton candy……search out the real food….
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX (…more than you…….)
mom

…but I’m not.
But I thought about it for a few hours and actually wrote it out.
Star 100.7 , a local radio station in San Diego, is having an open submission contest for their next radio announcer. Everyone is invited to send in cassettes or vhs tapes and try out for the position of ‘Supermouth’. I entertained the idea because I think it would be great to have an outlet where you can speak your mind and people listen. On the other hand, it brings with it a lot of responsibility and possible backlash. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to be in charge of those two things.

I tried to come up with things about me that would set me apart from the other people sending in tapes and didn’t come up with anything.

Here’s what I wrote. Imagine me in front of a boombox and trying to sound as if i didn’t write it down first:

so….i was trying to think of what i could say on this tape to impress you people and having a super hard time and then it came to me….nothing. there is nothing extra ordinary about me. i’m pretty much just like everyone else that’s going to send in a tape. except they probly sent in vhs tapes and i’m so poor i had to steal this used cassette tape from one of my roommates. i think i might be able to swing a cd from my other roommate and then i could give you a photo of what i look like. in fact, i could probly give you 3 or 4 photos and then you could click fast from one to the other and then it might seem like i’m really talking….or something….

anyway….back to the point. i’m average and unspectacular. i have a failed marriage, an ex-husband and some kids. i’m 32 now. i had my first kid about 2 seconds before i turned 18 which is almost legal….and i guess the doctor forgot to turn me to the off switch because i had three more kids in about 5 years or so. good thing my kids are so great. it could have turned out bad….

ok…what else… i have a boyfriend now. that’s what people do these days….they get out of an almost 14 year marriage and swear they will never date or get married again and then about 2 weeks later they have a boyfriend. it’s so weird! i totally didn’t mean to. and i seriously don’t mean to make him like me. i’m not sure how that whole thing works. he tells me he loves me at the weirdest times. like for instance, this one time, one of the kids used the bathroom and the toilet clogged…you know how they flush it and watch the water rise…..and watch it….and watch it….and then when the water starts to hit the floor they scream, ‘mom! the toilet’s broken!’ and you have a choice….either sprint up the stairs, pull a muscle or trip or both and be sorry for the next week or take your time because you know it’s already all over the floor anyway. i just plan on throwing away a few towels…3 or 4….because there is no way i want to wash them and save them….so anyway…the toilet is acting up, i stride in , pick up the plunger and start mashing and plunging and in walks joe , my boyfriend. i glance over my shoulder at him and say hey and he has this look on his face…this look like…i didn’t know what…and then he says, ‘wow…i love you, leah.’ so i stop in mid-plunge and start laughing. but he’s totally serious! i’m perched over the toilet with crap water splashed on my forearms and he feels more in love with me. i’m not sure what that means….

another time we were driving back from a family get together with my family and i had to go to the bathroom. huh. this story is bathroom related as well….weird….anyway, there were about 15 people dancing in a line, waiting their turn to use the one stall and i’m thinkingÉ..hey…i don’t want to wait in that long line and even if i did i bet the bathroom looks like tigger jumped all over the seat and floor and splashed poop everywhere so why go through that? i’ll just go behind the dumpster. joe couldn’t believe it at first until i explained that if he stood and guarded me on one side and the dumpster was on the other then only about a third of the cars on the freeway would be able to see me. soÉ there i am, squatting and trying not to fall over, which is such a great pose, and there is joe with his back to me and guarding the left flank and i’m concentrating on not getting anything on my shoes and he says, ‘wow leah, i love you SO MUCH. you are SO COOL.

i heard the announcement for supermouth and that it was a one year contract with the station and i thought ‘right on!’ that’s so great for me…i’ve done lots of things for about a year. let’s see…..i was an artist for awhile….i still try and pretend i am one sometimes. maybe i’ll put some pictures of those paintings on the disk with my face for you to look at.
i took photos for awhile. i shot some great sunset’s around southern california….i know that’s so original….at one point i couldn’t decide if i wanted to be the photographer or the model….i took some shots of me that are entertaining….wanna see those, too? i can put them on the cd. me trying to model…well, they really aren’t that bad…it was a couple of years, about 2 truckloads of anti-depressants and 30….35…ok probly 40 pounds ago…but i just look silly.
i pretended to be a writer for about a year and wrote over 700 pages filled with words about me and my life…i’ll probly have to find a semi-unconscious publisher to print it….and then that begs the question who would read it….
i did web design. i was really bad at it.
my latest thing is loan consultant. i actually have my own 800 number where you can call and hear my ‘robot-machine’ voice as my kids call it. i had my boyfriend, who actually is great at web design, fix my sad attempt and now i have a cool website with a little picture of my head floating above a house…i think it makes me look like a disembodied goddess or something…but i really do like doing the loan thing…

you know…i like to sing…i sing all the time….really loud. i’m not good, really, but i figure if i sing with enough enthusiasm that my lack of talent shouldn’t matter so much…but then my daughter will cover her ears and start to cry…so…i don’t know if that counts against me or not…
but i am a huge fan of music…and singers….well, maybe not a huge fan of the singers…it’s not like i’d sleep outside in a ticket line in the rain for 3 days or anything…..just to go to a concert when i could just stay home and listen to the cd?
….but, i’ve written fan emails before! like, i just wrote one about 3 months ago to the john mayer fan site…and i’m sure that one sunday night when he is bored with nothing to do he’ll read it and realize how great i am and want to send me free concert tickets and a backstage pass….and he’ll probly call me up on stage during it….you never know….

but i really feel like there’s a connection between you guys and me….i mean, i’ve called you before and asked you to do things and you’ve always played any song i requested…..and then one time, a guy that answered the phone asked me if i’d like free dining gift certificates….for no reason…and i was all…well, sure! i mean, who’s going to turn down free food? and then i forgot all about it because i’ve never really eaten at an ihop before…i’ve always been a denny’s girl…but then, like only 2 months later, this guy called me from the station and asked me if i remembered that i had those certificates and then told me he would send them to me since it looked like i wasn’t going to come in and pick them up anytime soon….i thought that was real sweet….

so, i was thinking, if you pick me, which i don’t know why you would since i don’t even like the way my voice sounds over the phone, let alone on the radio…on the other hand…this might be a great way to bug my ex-in-laws who like to pretend i don’t exist….
but anyway, if you picked me, i could maybe announce stuff, like, well…not the weather…i don’t really know anything about the weather…or sports…i mean, you could have me announce sports but it probly isn’t a good idea…but hey….if christina aguilera can sing phonetically in spanish, i guess i could do the same for sports…..

where i think i’d shine, though, is maybe a segment called ‘tips from leah’ and tell people things they shouldn’t do that i’ve done….like this: ‘hi. you’re listening to tips from leah. i once tried to make a casserole for my kids. i used most of the leftovers in the fridge. my kids refused to eat it, however, because it had beets, peaches and hamburger meat in it. The pastel pink color didn’t fly even though it was close to valentine’s day. don’t do that.’
how did that sound? i don’t know…some people might like it. it might stick.

anyway, i feel like i’ve been rambling for hours and i’d be real surprised to find out that you listened to this tape clear to the end. in fact, i think i should think up a code word and see if you know it if you call me. the code word is shnikes. i don’t think i spelled it right, but that doesn’t matter…i just have to hear you say it.

quick recap for the kids:
it was so great to have you this past weekend,i’m not going to try for the radio thing, hope you’re ok with that even though you think i’m just weird enough to make it work, hope you feel better ty, don’t play with your locket, ali, it will fall off, don’t forget to check out the new strongbad, tony, and dev, i’m still proud of you over the weekend incident.
over and out,
mom

Finally….the site is live. Actually, there are two new domain names, but they both go to SoLongLandlord.us. The question on my mind: ….how do i help people remember that the domain name extension is .us and not .com?

Joe is truly a master at that web stuff! I’ve never had so much fun learning html. I got to spend time sitting behind him and leaning over his shoulder and watching and soaking up all the shortcuts. It takes me a full day to do what he can do in about an hour. His fingers kind of dance around the keyboard…..

The new site is hosted by lamphost.net, which is owned and operated by Matt Brown. LAMPhost is an acronym for Linux, Apache, MySql and PHP. His site is easy to maneuver and understand, his services are priced right and your stuff gets done fast. Thanx, Matt.

Did a little painting tonight with Mickele . It was wonderful. I miss color. I miss getting my fingers in it.

quick recap for the kids:
did you check out the new Strong Bad for this week? the new site joe and i have been working on is finally done…mostly…. only 2 more days till i see you, if you don’t count friday, since that’s the day i’m going to see you, and only 1 more day if you don’t count tomorrow since it’s almost midnight and practically wednesday already……

Well, I have a confession to make. Last Wednesday came and went and my website and phone voicemail service are not live and the over 400 pieces of mail were not sent, although they were folded into thirds on Friday and labeled with addresses. (Thanx to my roommate Mike for all her help.)
I’ve started getting off anti-depressants. There are extenuating circumstances.
I’ve stopped smoking. Again. For good, I hope.
I had a tat re-inked.
I get another one re-inked tomorrow morning.
I went to see ‘Shanghai Knights’ with Joe. I almost cried, it was so good. Jackie Chan has a wonderful gift for his fight choreography and Owen Wilson is truly a king of his own special brand of self-centered, deadpan humor.
I talked to some of my kids on AOL Instant Messenger a few times this week.
I found a new paper supply store.
I tried out a new burger resteraunt.
I vacuumed the stairs.
I folded two loads of laundry. I didn’t put them away.
I printed the first 100 pages of my book 3 times until I ran out of paper.
I didn’t wear makeup today or fix my hair.
I watched Terminator 2 for the first time.
All in all it was a good week/weekend.

quick recap for the kids:
life is good, i see you this weekend. YIPPEE!
lovefrommom

I’m still working on getting my business going. I really do love the broker I’m working with now. She has a wealth of information for me to learn from and a lot of experience as well. This Wednesday my new websites and 800 number will go live. I’ll also be sending out the first of the new monthly flyers as well as 500 postcards to drum up leads. My hope is that in a few months I’ll be able to work from referrals only and not have to waste valuable time trying to scare up my next clients. I think the business will run much better that way.

I spent part of the weekend with my kids in Moorpark. We went to the mall and wasted time together which was great. We saw a semi-ok movie. I sat in between Tony and Ty. It was one of those moments where I wished I was two of me so I could sit by everyone at the same time. We found a cheap-ish hotel and ate In-and-Out burgers for dinner. Alex and I did our nails, as usual. This time we picked a ‘Valentine’ red. It’s a fabulous color. We watched ‘The Majestic’, starring Jim Carrey, which I previously have not wanted to see due to the fact that Jim Carrey is supposed to be funny in my book. I had a hard time watching him be serious. I guess that’s not very open-minded of me.

Did errands today. Watched Joe Millionaire tonight with Joe, Mickele and Craig. Everyone is asleep except me and Mickele…I can hear her banging keys in the next room. I can’t sleep. My mind won’t turn off. It’s not insomnia exactly. I just know I have so many things I need to get done and I can’t quit thinking about them.

At lunch today, Joe took me to a place called the Hash House. I absolutely LOVED this place and look forward to going back sometime. They served great food on these huge oversized plates that were decorated in some fashion or another with garnish. But you’re probably thinking a sprig of parsley, and I’m talking about a small tree of rosemary stuck through Joe’s steak sandwich about 6 or 7 inches high and standing up straight like a small Christmas tree. Not to mention that the homemade biscuits are the size of your fist. My pancake was larger than a normal sized dinner plate. It was amazing! And the utensils are oversized as well. Joe thinks that maybe they are trying to help you feel like a little kid again, with the oversized everything. The waitress was much nicer than I deserved, but I loved her. And I only dropped one fork and one knife on the floor: one on each side, so the weight was equally distributed….

quick recap for the kids:
seeing you was wonderful and i can hardly wait for valentine’s weekend, work is still going forward, sometime i’m going to take you to the hash house, it’s nice to feel like a kid every once in awhile.
much love,
mom

Things are going forward: it’s a better direction that backward or staying in the same place.

At work: I love my new broker, Teresa Thompson. I like her business plans and the way she treats her clients. She’s very flexible and helpful to someone coming over to her brokerage house. Today I bought a toll free number soon to be announced, ordered 500 lead address to send postcards to here in the North County Area, ordered the postcards to send out, bought 2 new domain names soon to be announced and drafted newspaper and postcard ads and learned more about how to build a referral-based business. It was a busy day but extremely fulfilling.

At home: My friend Mickele Hughes has finally moved in. She’s also my PR specialist for the book and the creative energy in the home has shifted in a good way. I plan on using the new energy to my utmost advantage and create, create, create in any venue possible. Craig, my other room mate, has been a little trepidatious about my good friend moving in, but I think in time everyone will learn a whole heck-uv-alot from each other. Craig has also created a spreadsheet chore-chart for us to follow. On the one hand, it makes me laugh and on the other hand, I’m glad, because now I don’t have to think about what he wants done…I can read it and check off the little box.

In the Family: For a few days there, it was touch and go as far as the kids, Derek and I were concerned. We didn’t agree about everything and have since come to a compromise. It’s interesting to try to work things out when you start bringing in new significant other etc. I’m going to be seeing the kids more, and I’m ecstatic about that!

About That Joe: Joe continues to be a constant source of love and strength to me. It’s been a pretty rough week/weekend, but he helps me feel strong like an ox. It’s nice to have someone in my corner.

quick recap for the kids:
work is looking up, mike moved in and she says hey, your dad and i both love you SO MUCH and we’re working things out as best as we can, still lots of things i like about joe and he says hey to you, too.

I’m learning some wonderful lessons about natural consequences. I think that somewhere in my mind I thought that there would be an excuse to get out of things to a certain point, but I’m learning otherwise. And, to be more blunt, sometimes you get ‘punished’ for doing the right thing. Punished sounds like a strong word but that’s what it feels like. And I’m not really sorry, either. I’m just always fascinated by life.

I quit working where I was the other day and have moved to a new brokerage house. The things going on at Financial Company X were not all on the up-and-up. When I quit, I realized that just because it was the right thing to do didn’t make it easy and it set me back financially about 2 months, which I really couldn’t afford. So I’m back to panicking about money for a while, but I guess that’s ok. Deep down inside I know that God has a plan for me and I’m doing my best to tap into it and go along with it.

On the upside: the new brokerage house, Company B, is still close enough to my home that the commute isn’t bad and I can work from home a lot of the time which I love. The broker, Teresa, is much more flexible as far as the loan programs and lenders I can work with and her commission structure is so much better. I know in the long run this was the right thing to do. It’s this short run of the next two months that has me worried.
I wasn’t able to see my kids last month because I wasn’t able to pay my bills here at the house and it looks like it will be the case again. This is the part that really kills me. I’m sure I’m learning something here but all it feels like right now is pain. I miss my kids so much.

I will see them for dinner tonight. I’m driving up there to switch CPU’s with my daughter. If I’m going to be working from home I need a good one and the one I have has decided to go AWOL. Hopefully her dad can fix it for her.
Peace, Love and Understanding.

quick recap for the kids:
doing the right thing isn’t easy sometimes, and more often than not, it’s pretty hard but still right, i’m starting with a new company, i miss you all so much and can’t wait for dinner tonight, thanx, ali for switching computers with me.
mom

Trying to be mature is such a hard thing. Who wouldn’t rather spend the day doing as little as possible if it were possible? I do get in moods where I enjoy work and get a lot of constructive things done, but I’d have to say that the majority of the time, sitting on my bed and reading or watching movies with room service would be fine. Today is Saturday and I slept in till after 1pm. I did nothing for a few hours and then drove over to Joe’s and have done nothing over here for a few hours. It’s been a great day. I don’t know if I’d like it everyday but I’d like a chance to find out.

When I was growing up and it was time to clean my room or mow the lawn, I was a master at procrastinating my day away. I would start looking at the mess on my floor about 9 or 10 am. Within the next two hours I would have lifted maybe a dirty sock or two and possibly a shirt from off the top of a book lying on the floor while lying prone next to it and staring up at the ceiling. During this time, at least 3 of my siblings would have come in to check on me and see how ‘it was coming along’. I would tell them it was way too hard of a job to do on my own. They in turn would assure me that I was 6/7/8/9/10/11/12 now and able to do it on my own. Sometimes they would tell me that I couldn’t come out for lunch until I was done/half way done/part way done/put one of the socks I looked at in the hamper. It didn’t happen. Eventually, by the time it was 1 pm and they were tired of waiting to eat, I would be allowed to come out with the disclaimer that it was happening this time and never again and that right after I was finished it was back to the room cleaning job.

Do you know how long you can take to eat peas? Each one is unique and should be looked over as a work of art. Especially if there are little pieces of pepper floating in the butter and can be manipulated into constellations around the main green planet.

By 3:30, my sister or brother would finish being understanding, confiscate my plate and march me back in my room where a mere 2 or more hours would pass while I languished on the floor and cried about how hard my life was. By 5 or 6, one of them would come in the room, spend less than 10 minutes picking things up and release me to the rest of the day, such as it was. They didn’t stay mad at me. After all, I was the baby sister.

Mowing the lawn or sweeping off the cement was a similar experience with the exception of the dirty socks. I’m lucky my brothers and sisters were so understanding. I felt, truly, that my life was harder than everyone else’s. And there is a glimpse into Leah’s childhood.

My job has taken an interesting turn. I’ll speak more about it in a few weeks. Sufficeth to say, changes are happening and once again, God has figured things out for me before I even got there.

quick recap for the kids:
sometimes doing nothing is enough, don’t try to act like i did about doing your chores…i’m not as nice as my brothers and sisters, i miss you so much this weekend and i’m doing everything i can do ensure it won’t happen again.
mom

I’m strong as an ox.
I’m smart like a fox.
I don’t have to climb beanstalks
and I try to look at the leafstalks.
I don’t live in a box.
I have a great home.

My life isn’t cakewalks,
but it isn’t like cellblocks.
I try to use the crosswalks
although they could say ‘she jaywalks…’
But hardly anyone ever gawks.
I have a wonderful life.

When I see someone that balks,
in the city or the boondocks,
when they get to life’s roadblocks
and their voice kind of squawks,
I pull out my toolbox.
I help when I can.

I’ll listen to the jukebox.
I’ve never had smallpox.
I like to check the mailbox.
I believe in shamrocks.
The beach is my sandbox.
I love where I live.

I’ve found some new building blocks.
Sometimes I play with colored chalks
and forget to check the clocks.
Even as it tick tocks
I don’t think that it mocks.
I’m thankful for my talents.

I spend my day doing docs.
Sometimes I wear nice frocks.
No one at work has Mohawks.
Some clients I’d like to put in headlocks.
Sometimes I’d rather throw rocks.
But I’m really good at my job.

I don’t need padlocks
or to prance around like peacocks.
With my boyfriend I have great talks.
My faith unlocks
help from God’s entire flocks.
In Him I am secure.

I don’t mean to be on a soapbox.
I don’t even have matching socks.
But when opportunity knocks
and I have a chance to outfox
the adversary and put him in padlocks,
I’ll do whatever I can.

L.

quick recap for the kids:
no idea…i don’t even know what to say about this particular outburst except…why not? i miss you SO MUCH and can’t wait to see whenever i can next…

His hands sliced through the air between them; his index fingers moving away from each other, down and then back together in the shape of a rectangle. He carefully grasped the sides and laid the red sign he had drawn in the air down on her chest. It was the size and shape of the ‘Yes! We’re OPEN’ sign that hangs in the pet shop window even though it’s a lie after 6 at night until 9 the next morning. She watched the white, curving script flow from his fingertip as he wrote, ‘Thank you for not smoking!’ And her lungs sent a thank you out as well.

…..except the kids weren’t with me. Besides that, it really was the best birthday party I ever had. Good friends over, my boyfriend cooked enchiladas for me and all the guests, my roommate reminded me how to play the game ‘spoons’ that I had forgotten about since junior high school and it was so much fun playing it last night.

Notwithstanding, I still feel a little melancholy about turning another year older and not being anywhere close to who I want to be. I realize that ‘that person’ is a long way off and I remind myself of that when I get impatient. Patience is something I’m working on. All I can do is be someone that I want to hang out with. Since I am with myself 24/7, it’s important to like myself and want to be with myself.
Sometimes this is a hard thing for me. Sometimes it’s not. I think it depends on a variety of factors, all of which are hard to pinpoint or watch out for all the time, but I’m getting better at identifying problem areas.

I’m still trying to quit using the cancer sticks. I really hate them but have never been able to truly quit using them. Why? I believe in God’s power to help me overcome anything that hurts me in my life whether someone else is/has done it to me or I myself am/have done it to me. Why is this different? Why don’t I open myself up enough and have enough faith to let God carry this hurt away from me, too? Why do I feel the need to keep falling back on this bad habit? Why do I hurt myself? These are the questions that I ask. Not rhetorically….I expect answers at some point. I’m 32 and wish I had all the answers already, but alas, I’m merely human and a relatively young human at that, if you take into account that pre-flood, humans lived for hundreds of years. I’m practically an infant.

Yes, I seem to be struggling with the age issue…. 🙂

When done right, relationships are scary. They are intense. Wonderful. Comforting. Claustrophobic. Time consuming. Resource eating. Thought provoking. Patience trying. Soul-search-instigating. Deer-in-the-headlights-petrifying. Clothes-fresh-from-the-dryer warming. Finding-your-best-friend-in-1st-grade identifying. Hearing-mom-bustling-in-the-kitchen comforting. Roller-coaster thrilling. Bad-equilibrium balance-upsetting. It’s absolutely fascinating.

I miss my kids. I’ll see them this weekend.

quick recap for the kids:
it was so awesome to get to talk to you all for a second on my birthday nite and wish it could have been longer, had a fun birthday party and wished you could have been there, remind me to teach you how to play spoons, i’m getting older all the time and trying to act my age, still working on liking myself and DON”T EVER START SMOKING……
so much love,
mom

I found out today that my work is starting a profit sharing program this year. I’m happy about that.

Today I wore my ‘Pee-wee Herman’ shoes. They are black, lace-up, oxford, dress shoes with a four inch heel in the back and a 2 inch platform under the toe. I’m literally just over 6 feet tall when I wear them. Talk about empowering! They are cute and fun to wear for about 2 hours and then I’m over it. Too bad that I work for 9 hours……

This afternoon I went to lunch with my good friend and discussed how we’re both Alpha females and yet get along beautifully. I like all the things about her that are really just reminding me of myself. Does that make me totally self-centered and egotistical?

I started a painting. Finally. It’s been months since I’ve painted. It’s a huge 5 ft. square canvas. I’ve been a little scared to do it, I must confess. I haven’t done any work since I was fully integrated and I’ve been nervous about how being well would affect the outcome of my paintings. You know how all the great artists are insane. Well, I’m not anymore. It feels great to express myself again. Will my work still be good?

Still struggling with cigarettes. I know I can win this war with cancer sticks. God’s on my side.

quick recap for the kids:
the only thing better than having a job and getting paid is getting a little more money at the end of the year for doing the same amount of work, and then there are shoes: fashion statement/death trap/toe contortion…not just things to cover your dogs, i’m painting again…count on a mess in the office when you come see me which incidentally can’t be soon enough.
mom