Author: leohblooms

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Peepshow

Everywhere I look there are flowers. I’m running and running and then finally come upon a swing set. Fabio turns to me and says, ‘Would you like a push?’ Without replying, (because I’m sure he knows my every thought) I jump up on a swing and Fabio’s big, strong (quite frankly, too large and bordering freakish) arms begin to push me higher and higher. The quiet creak-creak of the swing set gets louder and louder until it’s almost a deafening sound. I cover my ears with my hands and fall from the swing to the ground. Fabio won’t stop staring at me and it’s making me very, very uncomfortable.

And then I wake up and realize that there is someone outside my window peering in. My second story window. Peering in. At me. And making a sound that after a few moments I realize is tape. I just lay there, eyes tightly closed and willing myself to disappear. Maybe if I hold really still he won’t notice me! I do my best imitation of a turtle in the shell at midnight. The guy out the window says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am.’ And then I die.

I move my arm as slowly as I can so as not to call attention to myself, grab my phone on the bedside table and text Joe.

leahpeah: dude right outside my window.
leahpeah: seriously. can’t move. man right there! i’m in my underwear!
joe: hang in there baby.
leahpeah: how do i get out of bed? he can see me!
joe: i guess you cant.
leahpeah: oh well. there goes my day. and it was going to be a GOOD day, too.

Apparently, the owners are painting the exterior of the house. Good to know that it included a peepshow and that I could provide it, free of charge.

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Somethin' Funky Up In Here

After every time-consuming or effort-extracting event, I go through a letdown. I’m not sure if it’s organic, chemical, physical or psychological or probably a combination of them all, but it’s as if my body says, ‘Whew! Ok, let’s hibernate and possibly get sick for a bit!’ after which I cry for a few days and endure a cold or other illness. Is it possible I actually DO catch a cold or other illness? Or am I just incredibly spent and want to sleep so my body invents an ailment? Inquiring minds wanna know.

Warning – this may be one of the most painful entries ever as far the segue goes. My brain is cloudy and I can barely remember how to speak ACTUAL WORDS such as CAR and PAINT and CLOSE WINDOW when someone comes to the door. Leave now or forever hold your peace.

In the airport coming home, when for some strange reason I decided my hands were invisible and therefore not functional, I neglected to take out my camera so you could all see Miss Arizona USA (not to be confused with the ol’ regular Miss Arizona) sitting and waiting for the flight to, you guessed it, Arizona. Do you know how I know? She had her sash on. Her required sash for all the free airline travel she gets. And if I heard her say it once, I heard her say it a million times (or at least the actual 6 times I DID hear her say it), she is NOT dating Bill M., Preston C., James F., Tony S., Tony L. or Tony Z. I don’t care what those silly men say, she is NOT. (smiling SMILING smiling)

There was a youngish man, guitar out on his lap, sitting next to her and, I kid you not, playing and picking those strings for the entire 90 minutes we waited for the flight. 90 minutes of Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings songs, a few of which he hummed along with, not so badly. He was so earnest. So very, very earnest and I wanted to stop reading my book for a minute (yes, my hands reappeared and functioned for my book) just to tell him I would enjoy his music more if he would only play a little Dave Matthews or even Patsy Cline, but he would never have heard me, so completely wrapped up in her he was. His adoring eyes never left her face, not even for the Gypsy Kings segment.

The friend referred book I was reading is called God Is Not Great. I’ve struggled with religion since I was a child and it’s only now that I’m realizing it’s alright to say out loud that I might not believe in God. At least not the type of God I was instructed to love and obey as a child. In the scriptures is says ‘By their fruits ye shall know them’ and my problem has always been that what I mostly see is hypocrisy and ways to keep people out in every religion I’ve studied. But not in all my 36 years and not until I read this book did it dawn on me that I didn’t have to keep searching to find the one I wanted to belong to. Because I don’t want to belong to any of them. And man, I’ve had such a sense of peace and relief with that realization.

Speaking of politics (weren’t we? I did warn you…), I’m trying to figure out how to support any candidate that is Christian. After all the wars done in the name of different Gods, the number of people persecuted for being different and the (what I consider to be) faulty reasoning behind it, voting for someone that I know holds those beliefs would be just plain wrong, wouldn’t it?

A number of people I know are having babies, just had a baby or actively trying to have a baby. (Still with me?) I’ve been trying to have a baby. So much so that it took medical intervention to get me to give it a break already. So many miscarriages in so little time are not a good thing and there have been a few not mentioned on this blog. Today, after reading Schmutzie, who I realize had a totally different reason for writing what she did, I had the sudden realization that maybe The Universe has been trying to tell me that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t be trying to have another child but I couldn’t hear it yet. And then I thought maybe I’d get my tubes tied. And then I almost cried because it sounded like such a wonderful idea. I’ve not ever considered this option before and I’m not in any hurry to go and get it done, but it’s an interesting turn of events, is it not? Life is so fascinating.

My sister comes out with her husband in a few weeks for an entire glorious weekend of nothing to do put poke our toes in the sand. If I tell her I don’t believe in God, will she still love me?

My daughter is 16. (Did your brain just crickety-crack trying to keep up?) Completely and utterly 16 and everything it entails. I would not go back and be 16 for every, single, solitary fat-free and guiltless cheeseburger in all of China, of which there are none, but even if there were. She routinely hurts my feelings to the very depths of my soul as only your daughter can and it’s continually my job as her mother to love her just like she is, right where she’s at, and not make her feel ashamed. Being a parent is one of the frackinist jobs of all time. And yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything and actually went through hell just to be in this position but I’ve got to learn to give myself permission to have a bad day without self recrimination. Wow, that was an awfully and probably unnecessarily wordy paragraph. Sorry, Mrs. Beasley.

This freelancing and doing the stray article now and again has not brought in the amount of cold, hard cash one might expect. Or, maybe it’s exactly as much as one might expect. All that to say – not much. And I’m feeling the itching in my fingers and in my brain to do something more substantial. There was a job a few months ago that I was excited about but ended up not getting and ever since then, I’ve just not really looked. But I think it’s that time, friends. It’s THAT time. So, Hello Universe – I’d like a winner job, please. Oh, and thanks.

My husband is awesomer than I ever imagined or dared hope.

And also, mashed potatoes with tiny bitso cheddar cheese just might be the best thing since Kindereggs. (Thanks, Jen.)

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I Was A Wrangler At Blogher '07

Last year at Blogher, I commented on a distinct oogy feeling that permeated parts of the conference. This year, despite however much I was quietly alert for it, The Oogy did not appear. Blogher ’07 was fabulous and there was not one moment that the feeling wasn’t just loving, creative and supportive for everyone.* I spoke with Elisa on Sunday morning right before I left for my flight and asked her what she thought the difference was. She mentioned better internet access, better support through the hotel and services, better hotel in general (I don’t think anyone there last year has forgotten those charming rooms – yuck.), and a smaller jump in growth as opposed to last year when the growth rate was about double. I don’t think I had put all those components together, but I agreed with her instantly after she listed them. Congrats to Elisa, Lisa and Jory – the Co-founders of Blogher.

I got to meet Ree and have dinner with her the first night. I also met her mom and her daughters for a quick second. Wow, talk about adorable. Later, as Ree and I took a cab with Heather and Jessica to one of the cocktail parties, Ree looked mischievously at the cabbie and let out a burp like you have never smelled heard before. In fact, I think she might even win Heather and GEORGE! in one of their burping contests. It was THAT amazing. In the next cab on the way to the next cocktail party (I’m sure typing cock a lot today) Ree sang out one of her Ethel Merman specials (did you know she once did a Leahpeah Burp special just for lil’ol me?) and I swear that cabbie wanted to just dump us at the closest corner to get us out of the car. I think but I’m not sure because we were all laughing so hard. We demoed the new Wii game called Boogie at the Imperfect Parent Soiree. You can see what a great dancer Jessica is here.

BlogHer is like Disneyland (I don’t really like Disneyland, but you know what I mean, right?) for people like me that like to actually meet and interact with other virtual people. So many of the panels were wonderful and informative. I enjoyed meeting or re-meeting everyone there. Which brings us to my panel on Saturday, (did you enjoy that sweeping fast-forward through an entire day and a night and a morning?), The Art of Crafts. This panel would not have happened if Grace hadn’t suggested it to me. And if Natalie hadn’t asked Fred for Amy’s email. And Fred hadn’t decided he could trust me. And if certain unnamed people hadn’t vouched for me. And if Amy hadn’t said yes. Thanks, Universe.

The panel went great. I think I enjoyed it so much because of the great mix of women, all with their own strengths. Kristin Roach is fantastic. I wanted her for the panel so bad because she has this innate sense of sustainability in her work that is so important to me. As someone mentioned, waste is everywhere and it’s heartbreaking to see all the waste we generated at the conference when Chicago doesn’t even have a recycling program to help minimize the impact. Kristin reuses some of her grandma’s craft bits and reclaimed items from the thrift shop to make new items and it’s just inspiring. She hand-dyes yarn and sells kits to support her other projects so if you are in to that kind of thing, check it out. It’s beautiful, yummy stuff.

Natalie Zee Drieu was wonderful on the panel. She has this great over-arching perspective on the crafting community because of her position with Craft. She’s privy to the cool peeps and the hot links. (now I sound like a rapper.) She started an entry here at the Craftzine blog for anyone wanting to continue the conversation or people looking for great links or wanting to link to their own crafts. It was a little tricky for me to find the free registration, so in case you have any issues, sign up here to create a free account so you can comment. Nat has a huge Flickr set here, some images which have a story I’m sure I don’t remember. Thanks, free Oops! wine and Helenjane!

It was a real pleasure to talk with Natalie. She invited me to come along to have cocktails (see? again!) with herself, Kristen and Chloe Dao, winner of Project Runway Season 2. Chloe and Natalie were talking high fashion during which I got lost a few times because high fashion? I think I don’t own any. (although Kristin made her awesome dress, which I think is pretty high fashion.) But I still loved listening and learning new things. Chloe was very sweet and told me the behind secrets including things about my beloved Tim Gunn. I still do the best impression of him you’ve ever seen. Seriously.

Kathy Cano Murillo was adorable. I had no idea I would like her so much because due to an unfortunate hot knife accident, she missed our conference call a few weeks ago. So, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I guess if I had to summarize her, I’d say she’s Glitterific. She’s one busy lady, what with her new product line with Duncan, her writing and crafting and her TV appearances. I’m so glad she found the time to come. (side note, I found out she’s friends with Laurie Notaro. Hi, Laurie!) Kathy’s heart is as pure as gold and she deserves all the success she’s reaping.

And then there is Amy. Amy Sedaris. I don’t even know what to tell you guys about her. I knew she would be funny as hell because I think she can’t help it. She has too much organic Jerry Blank in her blood not to be completely inappropriate and hysterical. But, I really didn’t know before hand just how smart, charming, kind, warm and authentic she is. At one point at the cocktail (16 times now, is it?) party, as the 8th person asked her to call a loved one and say something insane to their cousin Bill, I marveled at her ability to just keep being amenable and gracious. I asked her at dinner how she keeps her composure and if it wears on her and she said, quite genuinely, that it’s fine and she enjoys it. She said her fans are nice, not usually scary, and that she appreciates them appreciating her. She said it so much better than I just did, but you get the point. And smart. She knows what she wants and figures out how to make it happen. I guess you have to be super smart to get where she is and I should have figured, but something about her disarming public persona makes it hard to see sometimes. And authentic. She really and truly loves crafting and crafters and wants to support them. Yes, some of her crafts are on the silly side and she does some fun re-packaging of other products and puts her label on them, but she puts her love in to each and every thing she does, silly or not. I’m so happy to have met her. I can honestly say I enjoyed every second with her and that is kind of a rarity. Even as we were straight-faced lying as we waited for the shuttle to some really nice gentleman about how we grew up together in a small town cul-de-sac and how we’d been best friends forever and even when she dumped about a gallon of perfume on halfway through the book signing and blamed it on me and even when she yelled out CHING-CHONG to a Japanese lady and even when she made me take $40 for helping to sell all her awesome crap at the table – it was great. When I took this photo, (one of only about 6 I took the entire conference), Amy had just finished making a Bean Burrito (which she describes making in the podcast linked below and which she gave me as a gift when we left.) and she took the extra hose piece and slipped it on her hand. For the next few minutes she was just talking and gesturing with her hand to people as they came to the table as if it wasn’t even there and it was SO funny. She turned to me and said, ‘About that web stuff!’

The very nice Jennifer of Craftsanity made a podcast of our panel. You can listen here. And thanks to Suebob for being our great mic runner. Man, I was so glad to see her when I walked in the room. I knew I wouldn’t have to stress or do a lot of making sure she knew what I wanted before hand. It’s like she can read my mind.

There is lots more. I have no idea if I’ll write about it or not. I might be bloghered out. But thanks to everyone who came up and said hi to me. Leave a comment and say hi again so I’ll have your URLs. It might be days before I unpack and find all the business cards.

ps. links mentioned in the podcast:
– my craft trading site at craft.leahpeah.com
– Andrea’s jewelry from Superherodesigns.com
– craftzine
– creative commons

pps – the latest issue of Craft, Issue 4 shown here at the top, has my candle making article in it.

*Updated to add – I guess I missed the oogy and I misspoke. I should have said “there was not one moment that the feeling wasn’t just loving, creative and supportive for me.”

Updated again to add – Ariel from Electrolicious liveblogged our panel.

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Family At The 50th

It can be rough hanging out with family. I get excited and nervous. I look forward to it and dread it at the same time. I’m sure I’m not alone in having mixed feelings. Everyone’s childhood was a mixed bag and along with the happy memories, there are usually things you’d just as soon forget entirely.

While I anticipate getting to reconnect with my siblings, the mere fact that there are 7 of them makes it hard to fit it all in. And you sometimes end up with these little rushed Howareyous, I’mdoingfinethanks and Whatareyoudoingnow-s that can start to feel a little less than genuine by the 4th or 5th time. Add to that the fact that not many of them understand the whole internet-blogging-writing thing and it strains the conversation a bit. Or brings it to a startling halt. Whichever.

The 10 Of Us

I love them all to pieces but I find that I don’t have a lot in common with many of them. We can talk about parenting to a certain point but then it starts to break apart since I’m part of a divorced/remarried couple and the only one of my kind among My People. I don’t have the luxury of feeling free enough to complain about the strains of parenthood since part of me feels like if I dare to utter anything along those lines, I’ll jinx the time I get to spend with my kids. Like, I should be so grateful that I have them as much as I do, complaining about anything would show a distinct lack of gratitude. So when another parent starts to roll their eyes a bit and vent about so-and-so at a certain age, I try to identify with it but really, in my head I’m thinking about how lucky I am if I get to see that particular personality trait at that certain age or I’m thinking about how sad I am that I missed that when it was happening with my child.

And of course, religion. Some of my family feels like I must still be mentally ill because if I was really well, I’d have rejoined the Mormon church. They can’t fathom not wanting to be Mormon. This subject goes so deep that it’s sometimes hard to figure out where the emotional part ends and the factual part starts. I don’t believe I’ll ever join any organized religion, least of all the Mormon church, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand why they want to belong to it.

Politics are most definitely out.

Which really leaves nutrition and diet. You might say my family has a slight obsession with talking about those subjects. Fiber, sleeping habits, blood results and breakfast. Oh yes, we know how to have a good time. At some point, one of us should write it all down and sell the book.

There is one part of every family get together that I truly do look forward to and that is the singing get-together. We have a folder thick with old sheet music and almost everyone knows the words or at least the tune and can hum along. They are the songs we sang on long car rides from our home to my grandparent’s home every summer. I have the best memories of my father’s voice singing tenor and my older brother singing bass, my mom and sisters singing soprano and alto and me trying to figure out where my voice fit. The Green Eyed Dragon is one of my favorites as is I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and its counter harmony It’s A Sin To Tell A Lie. Singing with my family always makes me teary and emotional. Sometimes I’ll just have tears streaming down my face and no way to control it. I’m not sad, exactly, but nostalgic, maybe, for what I wish my childhood could have been like and thankful for this small way to connect with all of them. It’s hard to always feel slightly on the outside.

This year for the family talent show, Alex sang Fever and the boys and I sang backup. We had a good time and no one in my family had a heart attack from the explicit meaning of the song. Here we are in all our glory:

Fever

We ended the evening with a dance. We try a dance every few years and my boys never fail to suddenly disappear. This year, my mom was the MC and she did a great job switching things up. We did the Broom Dance, a Two-Step Cakewalk and the Virginia Reel with her calling out the steps.

Virginia Reel 1

Even with all our issues, I wouldn’t trade my family for any other. Especially now since they said we’ll never go camping again. I’m voting 5 star hotel with masseuse and basement arcade complete with soundproof walls.

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Various Updates

Of which my blog is one.

I love how I was so insane that I couldn’t even add the S on the end of ‘seconds’ to this post title. What a tool I am.

Here is what the sunset looked like last night through my sunglasses. Tony took it. I like it a lot. I guess the song is real.

This is one of my favorite moments from the weekend:

kids1

I haven’t gone through the reunion photos yet.

So many video interviews posted while I was away!

Video of Catherine Connors from Her Bad Mother
Video of Eden from Fussy
Video of Melissa Summers from Suburban Bliss
Video of Leah from A Girl and a Boy
Video of Angela from Fluid Pudding

UPDATED: JenB from JenandTonic

You should go watch them because they represent a large chunk of time from last year’s Blogher and also because these women are great!!

And now I have to go shower because I hear tell that cleanliness is something that the people around you appreciate. Whatever.

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Me, in 10 Second. Oh, and Bye.

Big Reunion! Parent’s 50th! 12 Hour Drive! Getting Up at 6am! Hot, Hot, Dry, Dry Utah! Not Really Packed Yet!

See you next week. In the meantime, if you get bored, here’s some of my favorite entries.

Also, because I love MochaMomma, here I am in 10 seconds, since that is really all the time I have. And, if you think it sounds like something I would have written for a bio or book jacket, it’s because I have. (recycle, reuse!)

Leah Peterson is a freelance writer, photographer, artist and crafter. Leah is lactose intolerant, allergic to soymilk, afraid of non-dairy creamers and hoping to find something to add to her coffee besides rice milk, which she finds too sweet.

OR

Leah Peterson is a freelance and sometimes professional writer, photographer, artist and crafter. She is a compulsive starter-upper and now hosts two reading series, a craft-trading site and a blogger network. Leah also believes in sustainability, conserving resources and is herself made from 100% recycled material.

Read about Me in 10 Seconds! here.

Lastly, keep checking the Alpha Mom site for new interviews! There should be a new one every day. Countdown to Blogher ’07!

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Alphamom Interviews

Last year at Blogher I did a number of video interviews for Alpha Mom TV. Prior to now, the one with Arianna Huffington was the only one available. But now that the new and improved Alpha Mom website has launched (complete with product ratings and baby names and Isabel’s own column!) they are being launched one per day until Blogher ’07 in Chicago.

The one released today is the adorable and smart Amy Storch from Amalah.com. Amy talks about infertility, getting close to losing it with Noah one day and asks a question of you.

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Mental Health, Revolution Health

Discrimination against the mentally ill makes my blood boil. I’ve been told many times to never, ever say those particular words to people because ‘it would freak them out. Wait until they get to know you and then tell them in a way that won’t make them feel uncomfortable.’ Needless to say, this does not help a person feel comfortable being themselves or helping them own their own uniqueness. It makes a person feel ashamed which can start patterns of self-destruction.

When we hear that someone has a physical illness, it’s easy to feel compassion and empathy for them. For the most part, our physical bodies appear to work the same way as those we see around us. You have two feet. One gets amputated. It isn’t hard to imagine what that might feel like and extended our compassion to that person. You won’t ever really know unless it happens to you, but you can imagine. The same for cancer or diabetes. We can imagine what that might feel like or at least what it might feel like to have the simplicity of our life taken away, so we can immediately extend them sympathy.

All that changes when we start talking about mental illness. There hasn’t been the same amount of study and diagnosing done for the inside of our brain as has been done for our physical parts. People aren’t comfortable talking about depression or medication or therapy. Whens someone tells you that they just can’t get out of bed in the morning or that they feel so sad they think about killing themselves or that they haven’t been able to save any money because they’ve spent every cent on alternative therapies, it gets harder and harder to sympathize with them. It’s uncomfortable. You’d like them to just stop and ‘act normal.’

If you are the mentally ill, you don’t want anyone at work to know you go to therapy once a week and take medication because it might impact how your job performance is perceived. Your occasional bad day takes on a whole new dimension and when it comes time for promotion, you might not be seen as ‘steady’ or ‘reliable’ even if your job performance is very similar to those around you with no stigma of Mental Illness.

I often receive emails from people struggling with these issues and I feel so helpless to help any of them. All I can tell them is that I know how they feel. Being diagnosed as Not Otherwise Specified doesn’t really do a lot to comfort. We need much more research and open dialog and better work in creating diagnoses.

A few weeks ago I was invited to participate in a phone call with Dr. Ken Duckworth, the medical director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I was excited to speak with someone who spends their time helping the mentally ill by furthering research and most of all just spreading awareness by talking about it. I’m sad to say I ended up not being able to make the call due to a misunderstanding about the time. However, here is an audio link for that call if you’re interested in listening.

I think Dr. Duckworth hits the nail on the head when he states that people will feel much more comfortable with mental illness and the treatment of, when we can pinpoint better how things in the brain work. He also talks about the relationship of alcohol and drugs with a chemically imbalanced brain, which I know about intimately. And I really like that they talk about how accountability and learning from natural consequences is different for the mentally ill than for, say, an alcoholic without a mental illness hitting bottom. The learning curve is different and needs to be discussed with the family of the mentally ill to help them understand how things might be more helpful for their loved one. 12-step programs are great and a good starting point but there are specific differences. Also touched on – endocrine disorders and thyroid issues have shown some connections with depression and unbalanced brain chemistry. I hope they do more research there. As I stated in an earlier post, I was amazed at how similar the symptoms were. I have no doubt that we will only find more and more supportive facts that show how our brains and our physical bodies share illnesses. Had I been able to make the call I would have asked him about dissociative disorders. (duh!. : ) )

In an email yesterday, I was told that Revolution Health is partnering with O, the Oprah Magazine as a sponsor of the O You! Conference on September 29 in Miami. You can win one of five trips to the conference by entering here once per day. Speakers at the conference include Suze Orman and Martha Beck, who I think is phenomenal.

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And All Before I Had Coffee

Let’s just say I’m neurotic in an endearing way. Is that fine with everyone? It may not be true but we can all pretend.

This morning I started doing the dishes because our maid seems to have forgotten to come to work for the last 36 years and as I rinsed one of the plethora of dirty glasses that somehow procreate offspring faster than you can say GO OUTSIDE AND USE THE FRIGGIN HOSE NEXT TIME! I caught the scent of mildew. Mildew, again! I’m not even kidding when I tell you for the past week I’ve been on a tear when it comes to isolating and obliterating the mildew. Mildew must die! And every morning when I start to do the dishes I’m sniffing like a crack whore looking for her next fix trying to find the source. We have at least 145 dishrags and they’ve all gone through the washer this week at least twice because they don’t pass The Sniff Test. I sniff them before I put them in the dryer. I sniff them when they come out. All fine. And then I pick one up to use it and it smells musty and mildewy! (not a word? bite me, spellchecker.) So I stand there, sniffing and tossing just washed dishrags back into the washer for their 4th rotation.

Which brings us to this morning, standing over the sink and once again, smelling the mildew. I picked up the rag I had just retrieved from the cupboard and sniffed it. Mildew! I angrily threw it in the general direction of the garage and got another. Mildew! My hands smelled! I scooped a little water in my hand and smelled it. Mildew. How can water smell like mildew?!

After huffing and puffing and telling Joe for eons about how whack this house is and how the kitchen sucks and everything smells like mildew and now EVEN! THE! WATER! smells like mildew he looked at me and said, ‘Well, that would be bad if the water really smelled like mildew. It would make us sick.’ And then he just looked at me.

As I started to question myself, I took one of the many, many glasses from the counter, filled it will water from the tap and inhaled deeply as if it were a fine wine – A hearty bouquet with a hint of oak. No mildew. Not even a bit. I had no choice but to dump out the water and admit I may have been overreacting.

And then I couldn’t smell it on any of the rags. I think someone is playing a trick on me. Like the time in Junior High when the tip of my nose smelled sour for over a month. It did! I couldn’t get it to stop no matter how many times I wiped it, washed it and dabbed on perfume. I walked up to people, some I knew, some I didn’t, and asked them to PLEASE smell my nose because it was driving me crazy. I needed someone to verify that I wasn’t crazy.

Funny story – I was crazy.

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Zee Catching-up, As They Say

>Last night was so hilarious. SO funny. I can’t even express it except to say my cheeks still hurt from laughing and I can’t wait for next time.

>Heather linked to this video of the tiny Mormon folk singing at school about NOT LYING (BIG SMILE) and man, I just about died from remembering how many times I sang that song as a kid. Those kids probably had to get temple recommends to be in the commercial. Oh, wait. Maybe not because here is Alfonso Ribeiro, who I believe is not a tiny Mormon folk, TELLING THE TRUTH about breaking a window in another 80s Mormon commercial. (HE’S SMILING!) I must assume they will let you be in the Mormon commercials as long as you can smile very large and for long periods of filming time.

Now THIS commercial still freaks me out. I remember bawling when it came on because my life was never going to be as perfectly awesome as the little girl who kept morphing into an older version of herself. My heart strings – they were pulled. Now when I watch, I can’t get over the fact that the mom, who has just birthed a baby girl, is hallucinating in the hospital and they are LETTING HER GO HOME WITH HER BABY! Perhaps they should check her for a little postpartum depression? If your newborn is morphing into a pre-teen and arabesque-ing down the hallway on your way out, you may have an issue or two.

And this commercial is a perfect representation of how every young adult in the L.D.S. religion talks over lunch. Always.

I don’t remember now who sent me this link (SORRY! I LOVE YOU!) but it explains why polygamy exists according to the 13-year-old male mind. Things misrepresented – the young gentleman would never be alone – Always! Always! with his companion and his name tag was WAAAAY too small. Mormon Missionaries are proud, dangit! And they have the name tags to prove it.

And please don’t live your entire life and miss the Johnny Lingo temple visitor’s center film. You can view the 3 segments here, here and here. Watch for the part where the loving father says, ‘Mahana, you ugly! What are you hiding up there for? Today is the day of bargaining. Come down and be ready to greet your husband to be!‘ so he can trade her to the highest bidder. Still, to this day, I don’t understand why they play it there. Like, it’s a really great representation of how Mormons live? Not. But, it is funny. Just ask Joe. He’s had to sit through both the original version and the new version. (Yes. It was so awesome, they made it again.)

>I’m done scanning. (YAY!)