Phone, Again

Remember my funny, funny phone? Oh my gosh, has it just been a ton of laughs. At some point, when the people were fiddling with it over and over and insisting that pressing just ONE MORE combination of buttons would fix everything (hint – not.), someone placed the wrong number inside a deep code that sends out my phone’s signature to the heavens. Now, normally, going incognito wouldn’t bother me. I mean, who cares if your vacuum wants to pretend to be a toilet paper holder for a few days? Wouldn’t you? My side table is always masquerading as the trash and I know it likes it that way sometimes. Like a dirrrty vacation. Heck, sometimes I pretend to be a functioning human being.

So, there’s my phone, blipping out its signature to The System, and it’s off by just one number. Not too much, you might think, but enough to be The Wrong Number. Enter Trish. Hello, Trish. We spent many a long day together. You fending off calls and text messages that were meant for me and me trying not to flip my top because my voice mails and texting wouldn’t work? Good Times.

I had thought we were equal in our frustrations. I called Sprint. You called Nextel. We both yelled and cried and pulled our hair out. You got a new phone. And mine was on the way. Phew. Odd that your sister-in-law is named Leah and my kid’s step-mom is named Trish.

But, that was before you got rude with my daughter, who called me but got you through the system screw-up, and thinking it was me, started pouring out her heart about school stuff only to be sternly spoken to. She entered the Twilight Zone for a second and it left her a little off all day. I have to say that if your child, although I doubt very much you are a mother, called me, I would not have yelled and made her feel terrible because she is a KID who started the conversation with Hey MOM no matter how frustrated I was. Can I get an amen?

Anyhoo, I got my new phone. This new phone has no static. It also doesn’t have some of the same ring tones and alert sounds, which I don’t understand since supposedly it is the same phone. This has created an environment where I do not understand and cannot relate to my phone. I don’t recognize it, even after programming it as close to the old one as possible. I’m not even as competent as the penguins that find their children months later by listening to their cries. I hear blipping and bleeping and odd trailing whoo-de-dooing and I look around, blaming the remote or the camera or a stray sock.

My new phone also does not call Trish anymore when I call my voice mail. Nope. On the way home from the very inconvenient and very far away official technical phone fixing office, I checked my voice mail. I just wanted to be sure. I hit the 1 and enter and it promptly called Jeff. Hi Jeff.