I suck. I laugh at inconvenient times. Like when my husband is getting mad at me. But not strangers. Apparently, I only laugh when someone that I love and care about is getting angry at me and strangers? They can bugger off. I’ll return their looks and yells one for one and then somehow end up on top, walking away victoriously confident that I was just on the winning side of some serious hiney-spanking. This is, of course, if I can’t avoid the altercation all together. Which, I would seriously prefer since I promote LOVE, people, not hate.
But Joe and I have been going through our Stuff. Everyone has their Stuff and the past few months, it’s been our turn to empty out the closets and clean under the beds and ask serious questions like ‘When did I buy this shoe? I hate purple and anything made out of pleather.’ or ‘Are you sure you have to bring that up every time we talk about Frank Zappa?’ and ‘Why the hell do you always laugh when I’m getting mad at you?’ The answers are, respectively, 1. Never, I made that up for this illustration 2. YES and 3. I have no idea. None.
Can we just talk about appropriate responses for a minute?
Sad = Empathetic
Happy = Pleased
Excited = Excited
Angry = Giggling Listening and responding with ‘What I hear you saying is…..‘quickly followed by mind blowing make-up sex.
When someone is pouring out their innermost feelings about how they feel about you, your relationship and the future – not the best time to laugh. I have tried not to laugh, which has the same effect as when my parents asked me to say the prayer for dinner when I was eight. I started giggling and could not stop until I was sent out of the room. At which time, my parents would call ‘You can come back in now.’ and I would sit down at the table and immediately start to giggle again. And then I got grounded for two months.
I hate this even more than I hate that I have two really thick, black hairs that grow out of the bottom of my chin that require persistent plucking. I hate watching his eyes go from angry-at-me to hurt because I would SO prefer the angry-at-me.
I have found no plan to fix this. I would like to have a plan on the ready so this angry/laughing/me-bursting-into-tears-of-regret cycle can end.
i am also an inappropriate giggler. church, library, serious family dinner, not when angry though, at least thus far. and yes, i too have been sent to my room for not being able to stop. tee hee hee hee hee.
Hee Hee. I’m laughing right now. Inapproriate laughter is my favorite thing in the world. It doesn’t strike me often, but when it does, it’s just delicious.
I usually laugh when I see one of my friends’ kids gets in trouble. There’s something about watching my friends chastise and scold their children that makes me laugh out loud and have to put my hand over my mouth. Usually, the kid glares at me.
This will probably be totally unhelpful, but a lot of people who have experienced some kind of trauma develop a coping mechanism of laughing in what others consider to be inappropriate contexts. For example, there are interviews with Holocaust survivors and POWs, this kind of thing, chuckling as they talk about their horrific experiences. It’s obviously not because they think it’s all very droll; it’s just how their brain responds to the stress of reliving such a thing.
Of course, I am not at all suggesting that your husband being angry is a trauma in itself (though of course it’s a stressor, because who wants their partner ever to feel hurt or upset, let alone upset toward them?), but perhaps your laughter response is due to some prior psychological experience you’ve had?
Okay…I am going to keep checking back for someone to solve this problem because you are right…the laughing? Usually goes over like a turd in a punch bowl.
Great post Leah. The cool thing is since we have the kind of communication we do, I can *ask* what the source of the laughter is. If it’s because I have my t-shirt on backwards or something else she tells me, if it’s the “nervous involuntary laughter,” she tells me that too. Then we can move on from there in whatever mode makes sense.
It used to *really* hurt my feelings, now I see that it is part of the evolving package of person that is Leah.
oh, god .. leah .. i do that too .. laughing when i should be serious .. and then the checkout girl is nice to be and i cry.
wtf?!
I wish I could laugh…. I usually cry. The blubbering kind of crying that makes it impossible to talk and seems so damn immature and girly girlish, which makes me angry and makes me cry more. Emotions sure do get in the way sometimes!
–Jenn
What I am going to write, cannot be helpful.
I would like to have that “quirky response”. My daughter has it. Instead I get mad and yell and yell and yell. If only I could laugh, perhaps it would shorten my tyrade.
I do laugh at inappropriate things, and always I hear my laughter over the silence. I am no longer quite as embarrassed as I used to be. It’s a gift.
The laughing…I am afflicted too. My son laughs giggles and smiles when he is caught in a lie. It totally gives him up!
Oh, I have those hairs too!