Posted on by leohblooms

Ask Leahpeah

leahpeah peehead,

why are you such a retard? so dumb? is there anyway i can rtell you how much I think you are dumb? you’re paintings are wierd and you odviouslly have nop talent. There are way better writings on the internet than you and if you think you are going to have lots of people like you you are wrong. you should go back to having more kids like when you were mormon. I hear those women know there places and listen to their husbands and do right in the sight of god. So being a mormon is almost as good as being a good Christian. you are most likely going to hell and you don’t care now but you will someday att sometime. I’ll go the one step further and see if i can ask god to let you in to heaven when it’s that time becuase that is what a good christian person will do. !!

if you want to see my online blog, it is here [redacted] [redacted]

Dearest Reader,

Thank you so much for writing me. I do so look forward to seeing who takes time out of their day to drop me a kind note or a quick hello. I think you should know, though, that I have a certain way of reading letters that may not be what you had in mind. You see, I am a perpetual Pollyanna type and can only read the good and kind. Please let me show you how I read your letter:

Dear leahpeah peehead, < - I’ve kept this salutation intact because I really like it. Why are you so wonderful? So awesome? Is there anyway I can tell you how much I really think you are great? Your paintings are deep and you obviously have great talent. There are other people that write on the Internet but none are just like you. I think you are going to have lots of people liking you. You have 4 kids? I’ve never had any because the state had to neuter me due to my inability to deal with reality. It comes and goes. I hear those Mormon women know how to make crafts, take care of their kids and husbands and do right in the sight of God. So, being a Mormon is the same as being a good Christian. You are most likely going to be invited to many parties this Christmas Season. I hope you don’t get overwhelmed or burned out. I’ll go one step further and invite you to my own festive occasion because having you come to my party would mean so much to me. God be with you, [redacted]

And also with you.
xo,
lp

41 Replies to “Ask Leahpeah”

  2. I like how s/he tells you that you are going to go to hell, calls you a peehead (which is how I’m going to start addressing my co-workers, it’s AWESOME!) and tells that you are basically only good for incubating purposes, and then invites you to read their blog. That’s excellent!

    I think you must publish the address so we can all bask in that writer’s glory.

  4. that is way too funny. i love how she adds that she is such a good christian woman at the end. as if that just erased all the crappy, yet childish, things she said in the preceeding paragraph.

    and leahpeah peehead? made me snort with laughter.

  7. I hope that was from someone who’s just trying to get a rise out of people, ’cause if that was for real, I am seriously perplexed. What is the world coming to?
    Good for a laugh, though.
    Yours was even funnier.

  8. Ha, that’s awesome. The person can’t spell worth a hill of beans on top of that. Very witty response – I like!

  9. Listen. I was thinking about this. At the bar. If they contacted you, you TOTALLY have the right to let us know what brilliant speaker and rhetoritician wrote an email of such pure academia.

    If not, let us make fun more. K?

  10. obviously, this woman walks with god and therefore speaks for him. i can see god sending you this kind of email. i also understands that he encourages people to judge others and ridicule them. this is why god rocks. this woman is obviously a fine christian woman to be willing to go talk to god into letting you into heaven. i wonder if it’s thiswoman here that i wrote about a few weeks ago. did she say anything about being a god warrior?

    also, about your paintings… i haven’t seen them yet but i’m certain the reason this woman didn’t like them is because they’re probably not done in crayon.

    later.

  11. Thanks, everyone, for stopping by.

    My paintings are here: http://leahpeah.com/

    Yes! Let’s always make fun more, John. Things are more fun when we make fun more.

    God Warrior?? I am seriously sad I missed that and so glad you linked to it because I was really getting worried about who was on God’s team. I can sleep so much better tonight knowing He’s got her on His side.

    Phew.

  14. Holy Crap that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read!!! Is that e-mail even REAL? Do people really write like that? Your reply is classic! Way to go!

  16. …is there anyway i can rtell you how much I think you are dumb?

    Genius in action…that’s the only explanation.

    Classic, thanks so much for sharing!

  17. I love your cheerful outlook. More people should read in between the lines as you do. The world would be a much happier/satisfied place.

  18. Hi Leah – what a classy (and hilarious!) reply. Good on you for socking it right back at someone who’s obviously got nothing better to do with their time!!

    The Pollyanna take on life has a lot going for it, I must say.

    All the best to you 🙂

  20. Golly, if I became a blogger that this person didn’t like do you think that I could get a special intercession with God from them? It would sure be great to be able to be a nasty, cranky, hurtful a**hole all the time because I know that I have a special access to God’s ear. The problem is, how am I going to convert to being a loving, giving person when I get to heaven? Also, if I have spent lots of time spreading venom and hurtful words do I have to be accountable for that?

  22. Is this girl even over the age of 18? Sounds to me, like she’s but a child…

  23. Hi Leah,

    I am a recovering mormon myself. I just read about you on dooce. LOVE HER! Anyway, I may have to start reading your blog now too. I don’t really have time to read your blog, but I may have to anyway. I like your Pollyanna take on life. I’m like that too. Sagittarius.

  24. Your response was particularly amusing – I love your writing. Did you look at the blog link that was provided in the letter? I imagine it would be hysterically illiterate.

  25. You can tell she’s a good christian by the way she calls you a retard. That’s how you spot the good ones – the use of derogatory language.

  26. Leah I have to say this is now my #1 favorite way to handle nasty e-mails. I love it! It’s funny and positive and also doesn’t drag you down to their level. My dad used to say never argue with a fool because people may not be able to tell the difference. Sometimes that makes it hard for me to speak my mind. I absolutely love this. Do you mind if I use it in the future? Don’t worry I’ll mention you and link to this. Genious.

  28. Didn’t it seem like the intermittant spelling fiascos were a bit like an overwrought person spitting and stuttering with outrage. Personally, I find it a great comfort that everybody who was raised in or is now a member of a religious group can be rapidly defined. I have been told that my Mormon ancesters were saints and that there is no way I will not end up in heaven. I don’t recognize the tiniest bit of sainthood in any of my relatives and expect that there is no nepotism in heaven. But then, I don’t believe in heaven. I hope that the words of this troll have made you realize that there is no place for you in the universe and you must go sit in the corner until this individual decides your timeout is over. (Don’t worry, we will sneak you cream filled chocolate donuts till the troll goes away/)

  29. WOW! What a way to turn shit into true LeahPeah style. Kudos to you Leah…and may the force be with you. (The totally open Buddha type force…not some organized religion force that reaps hypocrisy and dislike…)

  30. Out of all the flubber, all I get is that she can’t spell “pea.” Pea-brain? Pea-head? It’s only a short step to, oh dear, can’t … stop … giggling.

  31. Thanks to your joyous connection to the Armstrongs, the blessing of the LeahPeah Reading Method lives on long after its first appearance so many moons ago. I’m ready to make that part of my end-of-the-year 6th grade writing lessons for the last couple of weeks of school. “How to translate with the LeahPeah Method….” How would you like your copyright payment, in Jolly Ranchers, or in free summer passes to our local funpark?
    The spirit of peeheadedness just keeps on giving!

  32. This post became extremely relevant tonight, as I just got my first “hate” comment. The person said, “My God why do you even bother?!!! You’re trying way too hard and aren’t even coming close to being a good writer. Give it up.” I never thought it would bother me, but it really did. How do you just shake it off?

  34. I came via Dooce – and LOVED it! You made me laugh, thanks a ton 🙂 I will definatly stop by more often. Great read.

  35. Another Dooce reader here… your story made me laugh after a pretty tough day. That’s the best response to (ignorant) hate mail I’ve ever seen.

  36. The bestest hate mail response I ever got was, “Don’t try to fluff it up, it’s a piece of crap!” Instead of crying over that, I laughed my ass off and have turned it into my daily affirmation. It’s good and heartwarming to see others such as yourself turn hate into funnin’.

  37. I clicked over from Dooce, too, and I don’t think I’ve ever read anything as funny as your wicked response. What an excellent, lighthearted way to deflect the stupid rudeness of a hate-mailer. I really appreciate being introduced to the Peehead Method.

  38. I guess I’m in the majority here, because I found you via Dooce as well. And so glad I did. I admire your ability to find the humor in someone’s nasty and ill-harmed thoughts. Good for you. If I could only be so brave to do the same when my monster-in-law criticizes me and everything I do. I like your attitude. Keep up the good work!

  39. Okay, I confess. I’m another one that bounced over from dooce’s. And what a truly delightful experience, I must say. I couldn’t stop laughing during your Pollyanna reel. What a charmer you are, Leah! I have a blog, but I don’t write in it every day and my posts are assuredly not the most inspired. Dribble, mostly. Anyhoo, I have yet to receive any hate mail since I started it (knock on wood) and I couldn’t even imagine my reply being this flippant and wicked. I applaud your quick wit, PeeHead! 🙂

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