I Fell in Love

Guest post from Claire.

I fell in love once. I had no idea I could fall in love. And no idea that when I did, it would be a woman.

She was beautiful and original and being around her made my heart expand to the size of the moon. When she touched me, electric currents jumped from her fingertips to every receptor in my entire body. And I wanted nothing more than to open a zipper in my side and tuck her in, carry her everywhere with me and never be apart. Her creative energy and charisma matched mine and it seemed natural to want that around me all the time.

I thought about her for months, wondering what it would be like to live near her. I imagined we’d talk late into the night about art and politics. We’d share a bowl of soup and a glass of wine, feet touching, arms leaning on each other, watching old movies. We’d have inside jokes and I’d go to watch her perform and she’d look at my work.

We emailed. I started to see some things I didn’t understand. She didn’t talk about us getting together to eat or hang out. She wasn’t interested in becoming friends, which became crystal clear when she wrote, “Unfortunately, I don’t have the foundations for a friendship here — I have the foundation for a passionate affair.”

Being close friends was what I dreamed about. I wanted more than sex. I wanted everything. So, I said goodbye. And then I was alone again.