Just a minute. Let me set my liquor down on the Ensign and I’ll get right on that.
Me: If you don’t come in with me, how will I know if the hair color is the right color?
Joe: Oh. Are you planning on coloring my hair?
Alex: What kind of a nerd has a periodic table on his coffee mug?
Me: My kind of nerd.
Joe: You can’t make a drink with Gatorade and vodka.
Me: Yes you can, it’s called Gatorodka.
Me: If I was going to write her, I’d have asked 1. are you in love this time with a man or a woman and 2. is your disease life threatening and worse than mine. If you want to know the real answer, you have to ask the real question.
Joe: Then I think we can all agree: good thing you didn’t write her. That must be the Gatorodka talking.
Me: Oh no. This is that sad ghost whispering show, isn’t it.
Joe: Why don’t you like this show? It just started. You haven’t had time to hate it yet.
Me: Did you know they took Joan of Arcadia off the air so they had room for this crappy show?
Joe: What? I like Jennifer Love Hewitt. She’s kind of cute. Like in a Dixie Chicks kind of way.
Me: Oh my hell don’t say that. It makes me want to pull out my hair!
Joe: Is this before or after we color it?
He kept telling me how to make the cheese sauce like he knew what he was talking about but he was wrong. It drove me crazy so I made a plain white sauce, told him I did it just like he told me to and he said it was the best cheese sauce he’d ever had. And there was no cheese in it. I used food coloring to make it orange.
Rhoda: We’re going to 2 movies tonight. One for us and one for dead people.
Me: Which ones?
Rhoda: Flightplan and one about Adam and Eve.
Me: For or about dead people?
Rhoda: Yes.
Me: I haven’t heard of an Adam and Eve movie coming out.
Rhoda: You know. The only real one about Adam and Eve.