Finally, we have the equation for the perfect female rear. Phew. That’s a load off. Thanks, everyone.

Mr. Holmes’ equation looks like this:

“The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V. Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry – all factors that add up to the bottom line.

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness.

V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.”

So, that would make (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V is to female rear like (L+M) x (N+O)/P = Q is to perfect man personality.

L is the overall sensitivity of the personality, M represents how sarcastic his remarks get the closer his female companions get to menses, N measures willingness to give up the remote control, while O records his ability to be gentle yet firm when he sees his ass-kickin wife working too hard and shoos her off to bed at 2:30 am.

P is the snark to bitter ratio, or symmetry of the humor, and Q measures the grace with which he perform housely and/or husbandly duties and the number of occasions he remembers that his wife/partner/girlfriend is actually the most beautiful person on the entire planet and does, in fact have, the best butt.

We could shorten the equation to LMNOP/Q, which is famously already taught to our youth at a very young and impressionable age. Could we use also the equation for the perfect martini?

via Boing Boing

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