My kids told me that they don't see me enough…


My kids told me that they don’t see me enough and wanted an update more often…hence the BLOG. Generally, I’m not someone who might type my life for the view of my children, let alone strangers. But, here I am. Typing. I found a job. I know, you’re all relieved to hear it. I know I am to have found it. It awaits to be seen, however, if it lives up to all it’s claims. The job has attached to it more hopes than I would have thought possible. The job makes it possible to finally move into the loft. The job will help me to buy my camera equipment back. And to have Christmas with my kids at my place this year. And to maybe get rid of my demon car. (I’ll explain about my possessed vehicle another time.)And to put some money in savings. And….and….and….. I hope the job can take all the pressure.

I’m finding it hard to be a real adult. I have to have a real job and have adult problems with money and people etc. I like it. I’m not used to it and maybe I never will be but I still like it.

Being divorced has it’s down side, like not having a date every weekend, whether you wanted one or not, to take you to Aunt Bertha’s barbecue or someone to blame for everything that made your day crappy or to take out the trash for you or to yell at when they don’t take out the trash for you….but it definitely has it’s up side like getting to spend 4 hours in the bookstore without feeling like you’re putting someone out and not buying ice cream because you just don’t feel like it and no one has a coronary.

But sometimes you can feel lonely and unsupported and FRAGILE.

I have a boyfriend. And yes, he picks his nose just like every other boyfriend out there. And no, I don’t find it charming or cute even though we are still technically in the honeymoon stage of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

But he does something that no one has ever done for me in my life before. He genuinely cares about how I feel and actually asks me quite frequently how I’m doing. I found it fascinating at first. In a specimen-under-the-glass kind of way. I wasn’t sure how to respond. But I’ve moved past that now and just enjoy the feeling of being cared for in this small way that seems huge to me now. I’m sure before long I’ll take it for granted and start picking my nose in front of him, too.

So. To my kids (who won’t want to wade through the long version):

quick recap i’m now blogging against my nature, hope you enjoy, found a job, hope i don’t die from it’s disappointment, glad i’m divorced, have a boyfriend, we both pick our nose, one out in the open and the other still in private, and he makes me feel special.

and i miss you tons. and i love you more than that. and…and…and…..

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